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Post by Emily on Mar 4, 2006 20:14:54 GMT -5
An Indian/Harvest Moon fanfic. Yes, she'll fall in love with Cliff, if you're wondering!  Well, here. ;D Ch. 1- English man Rolling Thunder frowned at what was before her. The Uanokee tribe had gathered at the fire for a meeting. She had to come instead of staying with Running Feet and Wolf, her best friends, because she was the chief’s daughter. “Yah cenruben.” (“Big problem.”) Chief Lizard Tail said. “Saram Letto na Engli nem ereh. Tahw ot ho?” (“There is an English man here. What to do?”) “Sadfece!” (“Sacrifice!”) Several tribe members cried out. Rolling Thunder took a step back in surprise. An English man? Here? But…This was an island! She decided to see him for herself. Rolling Thunder slipped away in the trees. No one noticed. ‘Ram Neruta, ouy haugc.’ (‘God Nature, thank you.’) She thought. She turned and hurried. She knew this island by heart. This would be no problem. She slowed her pace as she reached the beach. It was always so breathtaking here. No one could disrupt the beauty here. Especially the sun going down in a sunset. Rolling Thunder turned left. A small steam of smoke rose into the sky. Fire. Cooking. Men. She knew they were there. She slipped back into the trees. Night was falling fast, and she would be camouflaged with her black hair and dark complexion. It would be easy to spy on them, especially as quick and careful as she was. She crept closer, dodging every twig as she stepped. She could make out shapes in the distance, getting clearer and clearer with each step. Then, she stopped as she heard voices, speaking in some strange language. “They say there are Indians here, as if! Even if there were, they would be very stupid!” One said to his fellows, and they laughed, slopping drink down their shirts. Rolling Thunder listened, and she concentrated more on that, and she stepped on a twig, and with a loud SNAP they stopped. “Who goes there?” One shouted in his strange tongue. Rolling Thunder gulped. Caught. |
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Post by pendulous threads on Mar 4, 2006 20:22:55 GMT -5
Oh...it's really good so far! I love it!
She falls in love with...Cliff? ^-^ Please continue...it's really good.
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Post by Emily on Mar 6, 2006 20:23:12 GMT -5
Yeah. Thanks! You always read my stories, and I appeciate it. ;D
Ch. 2-Caught
Rolling Thunder held her breath as they men jumped up. They pulled out what looked like a metallic spear crumpled up, and instead of an arrowhead there was a hole. It was confusing to see it. What was it?
“Here’s someone.” Someone grabbed her arms. Rolling Thunder gasped in surprise as she was picked up and she started to flail.
“An Indian?” The other men rushed over. Rolling Thunder stopped to hear the strange language. “But I thought there was none here! And it looks like this one is attractive, too.”
She had no idea what they were talking about. But she could sense one thing. She had to get away. Right Now.
“Let us take her back to our queen.” Another said. “She would be pleased to have another slave, or even someone to marry Prince John.” They all nodded. “Shall we go now?” Another called out.
“Pack the bags, then.” The man holding her said. “We leave at dawn.”
“Where will the girl stay?” Someone asked.
“We’ll lock her in a tent, simply.” Another said. “Then we’ll take her out and lock her in the brig, is all.” Rolling Thunder had no idea what they were saying, but she could tell it was very, very, bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Get a move on!” A man shouted at Rolling Thunder. “GACK!!! GACK!!!” Rolling Thunder screamed at the land she was about to lose. The man chuckled. “I’m guessing that means ‘help’, but you’re not going anywhere.” He pushed her aboard.
They locked her in the boat, like they said. But they hadn’t planned a storm would hit that would change Rolling Thunder’s life forever.
“STORM!!” A man cried up on the deck. The ship rocked back and forth violently. Rolling Thunder held herself tight, scared. Then, suddenly, with a large CRACK and a loud BOOM, the ship split into two with lightning’s help, right before Rolling Thunder’s eyes.
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Post by pendulous threads on Mar 6, 2006 20:28:54 GMT -5
 ...Wow...it was so good! ^-^ |
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Post by moko on Mar 6, 2006 21:44:03 GMT -5
not that this has anything to do with your story, but i'm kinda getting tired of reading fan fics where the main character falls in love with cliff on here. no offense, but couldn't you guys try something else for once? and, yes, i know you've written other fan about not about cliff, but a majority on this site are. i know i shouldn't be talking when i've never really shown one of my fan fics, but still......
eh, whatever, i'm just in a bad mood; you can ignore me.
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Post by pendulous threads on Mar 6, 2006 21:47:52 GMT -5
Just to let you know moko...the good thing is...I've stopped writing fanfics about Cliff! ^-^
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Post by Emily on Mar 7, 2006 11:00:48 GMT -5
Oh, thats the first time I got some critics. >_< Just don't read it if it's so, "bad".
And, Moko, I am writing fanfics about other boys, and I will work on Kai's soon. If you're so tired of my fanfics, don't read 'em.
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Post by Butterscotch on Mar 7, 2006 11:24:00 GMT -5
Criticism isn't a bad thing hun. Not everyone will like what you write, and you shouldn't let it get you down.
Sometimes an honest bit of criticism can be helpful.
Now, I too feel that CliffxGirl is overdone. For that matter JillxMineral Town Boy is also a bit boring to me.
Now then...on to your story. ^^
The writing is good, I didn't see any grammar or spelling errors.
I'm a bit confused on the plot (maybe this will be cleared up in later chapters) but is this an alternate universe story, or is this a story that takes place before Cliff came to Mineral Town?
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Post by moko on Mar 10, 2006 14:58:19 GMT -5
Oh, thats the first time I got some critics. >_< Just don't read it if it's so, "bad". And, Moko, I am writing fanfics about other boys, and I will work on Kai's soon. If you're so tired of my fanfics, don't read 'em. well, exuse me! sorry, but you picked a bad time to mess with me. i won't go as badly on you as i did on will, but i'm really pissed off this week and am not gonna let you get away with saying something like that to me. first of all, i told you i was in a bad mood; i normally wouldn't say something like that. besides, i never said your fan fics were bad, nor did i say that i was only talking about you. i was talking about cliff fan fics in general, and if you didn't understand that, then i think you should try to be a little less self absorbed. and you know what? i never asked you to make a fan fic about kai, so you don't have to sound so bitter about it. you can write whatever you want; i don't care. and maybe you're right. maybe i shouldn't read your fan fics. why should i read stories by a bitch who can't even let a little comment like that go? and if you don't want to be critiqued, i suggest not posting your fan fics on message boards! |
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Post by Emily on Mar 10, 2006 19:02:32 GMT -5
I'm write more, but I am enjoying it myself, and thats why I continue it. If, Mel and farmergrl0139, this topic is deleted of the fight, I'll send the chapters.
Thank you guys who like my story.
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Post by moko on Mar 10, 2006 19:45:35 GMT -5
as if it would be deleted because of a little rant. you've got a lot to learn, emily.
besides, butters knows about my temper on bad days, so i doubt she'll do anything to this topic.
oh, and btw, i'll probably end up apoligizing next week, once i've calmed down from my pissed off mood. and if i don't, that probably means i really don't like you, and any chance of friendship is gone. that's what happened with will, but i'm not as pissed off as i was when i read his comment, so that probably won't happen.
so please don't think ill of me for going off like that; i'm usually a nice person. but, as you can see, i have a really bad temper, depending on my mood.
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Post by pendulous threads on Mar 10, 2006 19:55:27 GMT -5
*-* Emily...you might want to wait until next week to bother her.
Look at her avatar. *-*
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Post by Butterscotch on Mar 10, 2006 20:20:23 GMT -5
Moko, I know you're upset, but there is no need to call other members names.
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Post by Butterscotch on Mar 10, 2006 20:30:49 GMT -5
Okay, now...everyone has a right to an opinion, and they have the right to express that opinion, even if its a negative opinion. Negative feedback isn't a bad thing, and it's not a personal attack, and shouldn't be taken as such. Both positive and negative feedback can help to become a better writer (and sometimes, negative feedback is more honest).
That said, there is a huge difference between a negative opinion and a flame. Flames will not be tolerated here.
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Post by moko on Mar 10, 2006 22:17:23 GMT -5
i know i shouldn't have called her a name, and i'm sorry.
i'll try to control my temper better, or at least not go into big outbursts like that.
like i said, i'm having a bad week, and it's harder to stay calm at times like these.
so why don't we just forget this, and have emily write more of her story?
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Well, here. ;D
...Wow...it was so good! ^-^
