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Post by Candyapple on Jul 24, 2005 13:19:34 GMT -5
Accually Ember... I lied. No wait, I didn't, I just changed my mind. You might see a little more blood in this story...  |
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 24, 2005 20:44:10 GMT -5
Here's chapter 3! Chapter 3- It was now the day that Jill arrived, almost everyone from the town was gathered at the run down farm waiting for the girl to arrive. I didn’t really want to go, but I wanted to see if the girl even had a chance of reviving the old farm. I stared out at the fields and smirked. Rocks, stumps and even boulders overran it. There was also a blanket of tall, green weeds. The barn and chicken coop were all old and worn out. And there were two little wooden shacks, supposedly to live in. Everyone stopped chatting when a girl about my age stepped onto the farm, she was struggling with a giant, dark blue suitcase. She had blonde hair that went down to her waist, bright, blue eyes and her body was very slim. She was an average height and wore jean overalls with a white t-shirt that read “Too Cute” on the front. Everyone cheered happily and clapped at the new girl. I didn’t see what was so great about her though. After a few minutes most of the people started to leave. Gray stared at her, blushing a deep red. Jill winked at him and smiled. Then he quickly shook his head and walked away without a word. Kai blushed deeply at the girl. He saw her struggling with her suitcase and couldn't turn down the oppertunity to help her. He quickly walked over and took the suitcase. "Hi... I'm Kai," he said a little shyly. "Well arn't you the gentlemen," Jill flirted sweetly followed by some girly giggling. Kai blushed deeply. I glared at him angrily and rolled my eyes. "Kai dont you have some work to do at the vineyard?" I asked, trying to hint him. "Dont worry Karen I'll be there in a minute, I'm just trying to be polite." Kai said getting a little annoyed at Karen. He was stil blushing at Jill. Jill giggled some more and led Kai inside the little shack. He quickly followed her in carrying the suitcase. Jill shut the door behind them. Jill had completely ignored me. I groaned angrily again and decided to just go back home instead of going and getting Kai. The next morning I woke up earlier than usual. I quickly got ready and went downstairs. Sasha was in the kitchen making breakfast, but I left without a word anyway, I usually didn’t eat breakfast. I yawned as I stepped outside into the cool, spring breeze. Kai was working hard in the fields because he stayed at Jill’s house longer than he thought he would, he didn’t get a chance to work yesterday. I sighed sadly with a hint of anger as I slowly walked over to him. I sat down on the wooden fence beside him. “So, did you have fun with Jill yesterday?” I asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes as I said it. “Oh yah… Karen… I have to tell you something, come with me,” he replied with a little worry in his eyes, I didn’t notice it though. He started leading me to the entrance of the vineyard. I shrugged and followed, wondering what he needed to tell me. When we got to the beach Kai went over to the dock and sat down on the far edge, letting his feet dangle just above the cold water. I followed and sat down beside him, my blonde hair swaying softly in the breeze. “So, what did you want to tell me?” I asked. I was a bit confused why he took me to the beach; it was my favorite place. He couldn’t be proposing could he? All these thoughts swarmed through my head and I started to get exited. Kai took a deep breath before answering me. “Karen… I’m breaking up with you,” he said quickly with a hint of sadness in his deep voice. I gasped in surprise; I couldn’t believe what he just said. “But… Why?” I asked sadly, I was on the verge of tears. Then a thought hit me and anger started to burn up inside me. “It’s Jill, isn’t it?” I asked angrily. I started to cry silently. I didn’t know what I was feeling right now, anger? Jealousy? Sadness? Maybe all of them… Kai nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry…” He wasn’t looking in my eyes though; he was gazing out at the sparkling, blue ocean. I continued to cry silently as I stood up and started speed walking back to my house without another word to Kai. I was so angry with him right now, how could he leave me for a stupid blonde idiot who claims she’s going to run the old farm? I felt like screaming. As so many thoughts filled me with anger, sadness and jelousy I started crying harder and sprinting instead of walking. When I reached the house I slammed the door after me and rushed up to my room, still crying. Sasha had seen me, but knew better than to disturb me when I was in a mood like this, so she continued to dust the house like she hadn’t seen me rush in. Still, she wondered what happened. I was up in my room tearing up all the pictures and memories of Kai to shreds, I was still constantly crying. I lay down on my bed to think. Before I knew it I had stopped crying and was reviewing all the bad things about Kai. I smirked to myself; I usually couldn’t cheer myself up this quick. Anyway, I was exhausted for some reason. So I put the covers over my head and decided to take a nap, I fell asleep right away. End of Chapter Feedback please!  |
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Post by moko on Jul 24, 2005 22:35:52 GMT -5
so, jill did steal kai.............
*glares at jill*
and i think you're putting too much of the kai in fomt's personality into the hm64 kai; they actually have very different personalities. kai in hm64 doesn't really flirt with the girls; if you played it, you would see that he only had eyes for karen.
but it's pretty good otherwise.
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Post by Firefly on Jul 25, 2005 7:18:17 GMT -5
I like it a lot, but a few things come to mind...
"I was so angry with him right now, how could he leave me for a stupid blonde idiot who claims she’s going to run the old farm? He’d known me for over two years… He’d know Jill for a day!"- from My Stupid Life.
"You... you're leaving me... I've known you for almost two years... for a girl... who just got here a week ago?"- from Through Mary's Eyes.
See the resemblance?
I'm not saying I don't like it or to change it, just pointing some things out.
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 25, 2005 13:53:12 GMT -5
so, jill did steal kai............. *glares at jill* and i think you're putting too much of the kai in fomt's personality into the hm64 kai; they actually have very different personalities. kai in hm64 doesn't really flirt with the girls; if you played it, you would see that he only had eyes for karen. but it's pretty good otherwise. i have played it. it's my fav HMgame.  and ya i agree, but my story kinda wouldn't work out if it wern't like that.  I like it a lot, but a few things come to mind... "I was so angry with him right now, how could he leave me for a stupid blonde idiot who claims she’s going to run the old farm? He’d known me for over two years… He’d know Jill for a day!"- from My Stupid Life. "You... you're leaving me... I've known you for almost two years... for a girl... who just got here a week ago?"- from Through Mary's Eyes. See the resemblance? I'm not saying I don't like it or to change it, just pointing some things out. oh yah your right... I seriously didn't notice that.  I'm sorry cookieTin!  Edit- there, i think i fixed the problems. |
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Post by Firefly on Jul 25, 2005 16:28:09 GMT -5
O.O You didn't have to change it... but that was really sweet. -exaults-
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 25, 2005 16:53:00 GMT -5
yay! someone exalted me! |
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Post by Firefly on Jul 25, 2005 17:27:14 GMT -5
Yay! I haven't exaulted someone in a while...
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Post by allmighty on Jul 25, 2005 20:49:44 GMT -5
Good story, but everything's going a bit too fast. I mean, Kai met Jill in chapter 3, and she became his girlfriend in the same chapter. Everything happened so fast in that chapter. But it's still a good story |
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 26, 2005 12:07:45 GMT -5
Good story, but everything's going a bit too fast. I mean, Kai met Jill in chapter 3, and she became his girlfriend in the same chapter. Everything happened so fast in that chapter. But it's still a good story exactly. I made it go fast for a reson... |
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Post by moko on Jul 26, 2005 13:04:23 GMT -5
hmm................ more blood.............. i bet karen is going to kill jill out of jealousy. |
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 26, 2005 13:21:03 GMT -5
hmm................ more blood.............. i bet karen is going to kill jill out of jealousy. We'll see. |
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 26, 2005 13:37:19 GMT -5
Ok here's chapter 4! Sorry it's so short, I've been a little busy lately.
Chapter 4-
It had been about two weeks since Kai broke up with me. It was now summer, my favorite season. I was just passing Jill’s farm on my way to the beach, when Jill bumped into me.
“Oh hey Karen! Guess what? My brother Jack is moving here to help me on the farm!” she said. She grinned and bounced around me like Popuri often did.
I put my hands on my hips and smirked. “I knew you couldn’t handle the old farm by yourself.” I replied.
“Hey that’s not nice! Sure I could have! I was doing great!” She crossed her arms and frowned.
I laughed out loud when she said that. “Jill, it’s been two weeks and you haven’t even gotten half of the field cleared!” I smirked again and pushed away a few stands of my long hair that was bothering me in the wind.
Jill frowned. “Oh yah… Oh well!” she said smiling again.
I rolled my eyes and kept my smirk on. “Well I have to go now Princess Blondie, smell ya later!” And with that I continued walking off to the beach to meet Ann. Ann was my best friend, we were a lot alike. We understood each other.
When I finally got to the beach I spotted Ann waist length in the water. I had my bathing suit under my clothes, so I just slipped them off and jumped off the dock into the water.
My jump splashed Ann so she swam over to me and splashed me back. “What took you?” she asked.
“I bumped into Jill on my way here, she says her brother is moving here to help on the farm.” I replied smirking again.
“Oh really? Then maybe you’re in luck!” Ann said mischievously. She grinned and giggled a little.
I was confused at first, but then I blushed a little when I got it. “Oh come on Ann!” I splashed her then started swimming quickly away, laughing as I did.
End of Chapter
Feedback please!
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Post by moko on Jul 26, 2005 17:23:07 GMT -5
hmm............
let me guess..............
eh, nevermind, i won't keep predicting what's gonna happen; what if it does happen?
anyway, good chapter!
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Post by Candyapple on Jul 26, 2005 19:03:17 GMT -5
lol. thanks moko.
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and ya i agree, but my story kinda wouldn't work out if it wern't like that. 
I'm sorry cookieTin! 
