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Post by Firehead on Dec 4, 2006 21:55:48 GMT -5
Oven Love
Chapter One: Just Missed It and The Lost Apron
The door to the small house busted open and in came a sweaty, smelly Jack. Panting heavily, he shut the door and quickly walked over to the television set that was dead ahead of him. He crouched down and franticly flipped through the four channels until he got to the one he wanted.
"...and that concludes our cooking show for today! Tune in next week where we will teach you how to make Stew! Remember, there will be a rerun of the show just aired at-"
He reached over and flipped the dial, turning the T.V. off. "Dang." Was all he had to say. He turned his hung head and looked at his kitchen. He stood up and walked over to it. Then remembering he had to have ingredients to cook, he walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a few ingrediants and walked back over to the kitchen, setting them down on the table. He then reached over for his apron, but only grabbed the air.
"Wha?" He looked over and the apron that was supposed to be there was not. He thought for a moment.
Where was I today..... He paused Duh! The Inn! He walked over to the door and just as he opened it he ran into someone, knocking them down.
"Ow!" the voice was high pitched.
"Ann?"
"Yeah, it's me. You forgot your apron and daddy told me to return it to you." He helped her up and she handed him the apron.
"Thanks lots Ann."
"No problem!" she put her hands behind her back and smiled a big smile. They stood there for a few moments not saying anything. "I better get home"
"Yeah," he replied. "You want me to walk you?"
"Nah. I think I can make it." she waved him goodbye and ran around the corner, into the darkness.
End of Chapter 1.
If it sucks, tell me please. Don't fake it.
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Post by TBustah! on Dec 5, 2006 0:48:31 GMT -5
S'all good.
I suppose I'm in no position to critique another's work (since I've yet to submit a story of my own. but is going to change pretty soon amyway), but I thought the last couple paragraphs have pretty much made things predictable from here on out.
S'all good, though, keep at it.
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Post by Firehead on Dec 5, 2006 7:42:54 GMT -5
Thanks^^
I'll write another chapter whe I get home from school.
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Post by Herfefiny on Dec 7, 2006 21:38:38 GMT -5
lol it's good. ;D I like it. =3
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Post by earthgoddess on Dec 14, 2006 22:22:28 GMT -5
yep, good ^_^
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Fred
Small Milk
Banned
100%
i googled harvest moon and got this
Posts: 39
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Post by Fred on Dec 21, 2006 2:26:28 GMT -5
judgeing by the title..................................well i use to have this one oven ........then it blew up....... then my house burned down............then i was a hobo............now i'm in a public library on the computer looking for a free deoderant company.
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Post by Lumina on Jan 8, 2007 7:32:10 GMT -5
Anyhoo, ignoring Fred, are you going to write more?  |
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Post by Pickle on Jan 30, 2007 12:34:13 GMT -5
Well, I feel with Harvest Moon stories, they can be repetitive. I mean, what can you really write about?
But, it has a good begining.
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yoh01
Small Milk
Posts: 19
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Post by yoh01 on Apr 3, 2007 13:08:43 GMT -5
I hope you write more soon. I'm so excited!!
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