Pwnage Betzor of the uber 1337 century

[They call me Sherrill]

for lack of a better title i give you Pwnage Betzor of the uber 1337 century. It is a short 3 part silly that my mind came up with on a 9 hour drive to louisiana and then a 12 hour drive from there to florida. so without further rambling i give you part I

Ch4pt3r 1: On a whim

Jack took a seat in Kai's restaurant for his usual summertime lunch. Apon seeing Jack, Kai poured a glass of water and walked over to him.
"We're in for a nasty bit of weather Jack, is the farm ready?"
"Nah, it'll blow over"
"But the weather channel said the typhoon is headed straight for us"
"Trust me, nothing will happen."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I just am."
"Wanna put some money on that"
"Sure"
"50,000 gold?" (In Kai's mind)"Just enough to pay off that assassin to finish Rick, and i can't lose because the weather woman is never wrong."
"500,000 gold AND ALL 12 of my golden egg laying chickens."
"And what might i have to contribute, hypothetically speaking of course, if I lost?"
"The key to your shack during off season to do whatever I please with it"
With a sly smile on his face Kai extended his hand and said, "Deal"

*****************

"Bless me father for-eh screw it, Carter its like this. I have this bet with Kai that the typhoon won't come tomorrow and I need to win because well its a bet and that’s why."
"First of all Jack, you know how I stand on you and Kai's "bets". Secondly, why would you come tell me,"
"You're official Carter. Use your priestly powers and summon the harvest goddess and then command her to thwart tomorrow’s storm."
At this Carter just sat in silence.
"Are you preparing yourself for it or is there some sort of chant you're trying to remember, or what?"
"...Jack, have you been drinking again?"
"No, why?"
"Well your blasphemous as well as ridiculous request just seemed to make me think you were out of your head."
"Nope sober as of 6:37 this morning"
"6:37?! Never mind, I don't want to know."
"So are you going to summon her or should I gather sacred items?"
"Jack, the best I can do for you is pray with you for yourself and the safety of this island. I can't "summon" as you say.
"You know what Carter I’ll just take matters into my own hands. Stay here. I’ll do the summoning. Don’t you worry about a thing."
"Jack!" But it was too late he was out the door.

************

“Yo, green lady” Jack said as he threw a flower down in front of the waterfall.
“That’s a new one. I don’t believe I’ve ever been called that. But that’s besides the point, what can I do for you child?”
“Well here’s how it is. I really need the typhoon to not hit us tomorrow.”
“Ah, a hard working man coming here selflessly seeking protection for his animals and crops.”
“Actually, I’m not concerned about those things at all. I have this bet with Kai, and it will benefit ME greatly.”
“Wait! You came here to win a bet!? Can you really be that morally corrupt, stupid, and insane?”
“Sheesh you and Carter both. Chill out noob, I just asked you to keep mineral town in tact so I can win some money.”
“Noob? You can be certain it will storm tomorrow! It will be worse than anything this town has ever seen! You can be certain of that”(her eyes were red by this point)
“Wanna bet?” Jack said with a smirk.
“To teach you a lesson that you shan’t forget, I shall. Maybe it will teach you to stop gambling.”
“Alright then. Pick anything you want to punish me with if I lose”
“You really don’t know who you’re dealing with, do you? If you lose, you shall not have the help of the harvest sprites ever again, and your produce will always be of the lowest quality.”
“That all?”
“No, You shall have to live in the barn and you will never taste alcohol or sugar again. Greasy foods too. AND you shall be connected to a controller that will control your every move and choose the outcome of your life.”
“Not sure I know what you mean about that last part, but Deal. BUT if I win, you are to marry me and do as I say when I say it”
She gave him the ‘how many kinds of stupid are you’ look. “Deal. You shall learn your lesson the hard way Jack”
“We’ll just see then. Won’t we honey.” Jack turned and walked off reaching in his bag. The Harvest Goddess sank back into the water as Jack pulled out something green.

[Firehead]

I love it
Keep writing!

[Pickle]

So do I

I don't feel like complaining. I'll just enjoy it.