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Post by BorderWolf on Sept 13, 2008 12:11:49 GMT -5
A Goddess's Gift
Carter looked out of the window at the falling snow while sipping on a cup of tea. He always found Winter’s Valentines Day interesting. Which girls are going to give chocolate to which boys? He shook his head as he remembered the two girls from his home town. The two were close friends, but ended up as enemies.
“Why didn’t they restart their friendship, when I told them that I was going to be a pastor?”
There was a knock on the front door to the church. Curious to see who it could be Carter opened the door.
“Hello Carter, it has been a while.”
Carter smiled, “Hello Hilda. Yes it has been a while. What brings you here?”
Pulling out a neatly wrapped box Hilda said, “Well, I figured that since it is Winter’s Valentine’s Day, that some lady should give you chocolate.”
“I don’t know if I should accept that Hilda.”
Hilda looked Carter in the eye and said, “You should Carter, the townsfolk here care about you. They even give you gifts of food.”
A feeling of that he would be in big trouble if he didn’t accept the chocolate washed over him, “You are right about them giving me food. It’s just that sometimes this holiday makes me sad.”
“Some girls fought over you?”
“Yes, and they were friends who ended up as enemies.”
“They became friends again a year after you left to become a pastor.”
Carter raised an eyebrow, “How do you know?”
A mischievous grin crept across Hilda’s face, “Oh, let’s just say a little bird told me. That those two girls wished that you would return to bless their marriages to the guys they did marry.”
“I see. I always thought about writing them, but felt that it could open old wounds.”
Hilda smiled, “It wouldn’t, and in fact it would make them feel good.”
Carter smiled, “Thank you Hilda that raises a heavy weight off of me. Would you like to come in for some tea?”
“That is a nice offer, but I have a few more gifts off chocolate to give out. So I will have to decline just for today.”
“Well then, I wish you safe journey, may the Harvest Goddess go with you.”
Hilda chuckled, “Thank you Carter.”
After the door to the church closed, Hilda shook her head and laughed, “To have one of my pastors bless me.”
Then in a flash Hilda vanished, leaving a swirl of snow.
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Post by butterflyflutterby on Sept 13, 2008 13:06:10 GMT -5
Whoa! She was all like, whooooosshhh! And then she disapeared!! Whoa!!!
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Post by butterflyflutterby on Sept 13, 2008 13:07:03 GMT -5
OHHHHHH!!! Sorry I just got it.
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Post by BorderWolf on Sept 13, 2008 13:23:28 GMT -5
Yup, Hilda is the Harvest Goddess.
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Post by Akane on Sept 15, 2008 22:56:56 GMT -5
Okay, two major things are bugging me (but I'm like, Queen of Criticism, so I don't think anyone else notices):
But Goddess's shouldn't have that "s" at the end. Grammaticaly, that is. Many English author's have it anyways, I noticed. Anyways, it should probably read, "A Goddess' Gift." That's how I was taught, but there are many variations to that rule. So that can be ignored.
But this can't be. Commas. You can almost never have too many commas. Commas are magic.
And they come before proper nouns.
Example: Carter smiled, “Hello, Hilda. Yes, it has been a while. What brings you here?”
See?
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Post by BorderWolf on Sept 18, 2008 6:07:28 GMT -5
Akane, I was taught that a comma is not used when someone speaks.
Example: "Hello Akane."
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Post by Butterscotch on Sept 18, 2008 7:48:33 GMT -5
I really liked the idea of the story; it's cute and gives Carter a little depth. But I think it really could have benefitted from being a tad longer, fleshing out why those two girls fought. I'm guessing they were rivals. It would have been interesting for you to show us how the girls were good friends, and how they became enemies etc.
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Post by Akane on Sept 18, 2008 16:40:26 GMT -5
Akane, I was taught that a comma is not used when someone speaks. Example: "Hello Akane." . |
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Post by CottonSoap on Sept 18, 2008 20:38:08 GMT -5
^ I need to show that to my dad. He always complains about how many commas I use in a sentence.
I liked the story. It was very heart warming. :]
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Post by BorderWolf on Sept 21, 2008 12:08:36 GMT -5
Butter, thanks. I was in a hurry to meet the deadline for entering this year's HM contest, so I didn't have the time to fully flesh out the story, considering I needed to work later at night and I needed the 'beauty' sleep.
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Post by Pickle on Sept 25, 2008 2:05:07 GMT -5
...Where have I heard Hilda being refered to as the Goddess?
Did you write another fic in the past like this, Border?
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Post by BorderWolf on Sept 27, 2008 22:38:38 GMT -5
I've written two fanfics (even if the second is still being written). The fanfics are: You're Not Always Alone For The Holidays and Promises.
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Post by Pickle on Oct 17, 2008 21:16:10 GMT -5
I've written two fanfics (even if the second is still being written). The fanfics are: You're Not Always Alone For The Holidays and Promises. Oh yah, that Holiday one! |
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[M:28]
