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Post by Snake on Sept 8, 2009 22:38:34 GMT -5
I should be doing homework, but...
The Miracle Of The Loch Ness Monster
Edward Cullen hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like my spirit was crushed when I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus. He loathed it.
Every December, Edward Cullen would feel himself getting all dangerous inside. He refused to put up a Christmas whale oil, he snapped at anyone green enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Edward Cullen had to go to the mall to buy an amazing cheese wheel. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing tiredly around and so much Christmas music blaring with chagrin, he thought his neck would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a subtropical man collecting for charity. Edward Cullen never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the subtropical man dropped his bells and ran under the sea. There was an awesome Loch Ness Monster right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the subtropical man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Edward Cullen rushed out and excitedly pushed them both out of the way. There was a gigantic bang and then everything went dark.
When Edward Cullen woke up, he was in a sparkly room. There was a Christmas whale oil in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Edward Cullen's heart hurt. A lot.
The subtropical man came into the room. "I'm so unfortunate!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Dracula. You saved me from the truck. But your heart is broken."
Edward Cullen hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas whale oil up and his heart was broken, he felt quite new, especially when he looked at Dracula.
"Your heart must hurt silently," Dracula said. "I think this will help." And he bit Edward Cullen several times.
Now Edward Cullen felt very new indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Dracula. "I love you," he said, and kissed Dracula ironically.
"I love you too," said Dracula. Just then, the Loch Ness Monster ran into the room and nuzzled Edward Cullen's cheek. "I brought him home with us," Dracula said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Edward Cullen said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
The Adventure Of The Loch Ness Monster
Edward Cullen and Dracula were out for an unfortunate Valentine's walk under the sea. As they went, Dracula rested his hand on Edward Cullen's neck. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so subtropical, Edward Cullen was filled with dangerous dread.
"Do you suppose it's new here?" he asked ironically.
"You awesome silly," Dracula said, tickling Edward Cullen with his cheese wheel. "It's completely amazing."
Just then, a gigantic Loch Ness Monster leapt out from behind a bending unit and bit Dracula in the cheek. "Aaargh!" Dracula screamed.
Things looked sparkly. But Edward Cullen, although he was hot, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a fang and, like my spirit was crushed when I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus, beat the Loch Ness Monster with chagrin until it ran off. "That will teach you to dazzle innocent people."
Then he clasped Dracula close. Dracula was bleeding silently. "My darling," Edward Cullen said, and pressed his lips to Dracula's heart.
"I love you," Dracula said excitedly, and expired in Edward Cullen's arms.
Edward Cullen never loved again.
To Tiredly Dazzle
Edward Cullen and Dracula were celebrating an unfortunate Valentine's Day together. Edward Cullen had cooked a hot dinner and they ate under the sea by candlelight.
"My darling," Dracula said, stroking Edward Cullen's cheek, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Edward Cullen. "It is but a subtropical token of my dangerous love."
Edward Cullen opened the box. Inside was a sparkly bending unit! He gazed at it with chagrin. Then he gazed at Dracula with chagrin. "It's new," Edward Cullen said. "Come here and let me dazzle you."
Just then, an amazing crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like my spirit was crushed when I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a gigantic voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Dracula read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."
They stared at each other silently as the crone cackled some more. Edward Cullen's heart began to tremble. Then Dracula shrugged, pulled out a cheese wheel, and hit the crone on her neck. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Edward Cullen said and kissed Dracula excitedly. "This is an awesome Valentine's Day!"
They ironically burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they bit each other all night long.
I'm Dreaming Of A Sparkly Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Edward Cullen sat tiredly under the sea, sipping dangerous eggnog.
He looked at the hot dagger hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Dracula had hung it there, just before they looked at each other silently and then fell into each other's arms and bit each other's neck.
If only I hadn't been so gigantic, Edward Cullen thought, pouring a subtropical amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Dracula might not have got so unfortunate and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away an amazing tear and held his cheek in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a new voice lifted ironically up in song.
I'm dreaming of a sparkly Christmas
Just like my spirit was crushed when I found out there wasn't a Santa Claus
Edward Cullen ran to the door. It was Dracula, looking awesome all over with snow.
"I missed you with chagrin," Dracula said. "And I wanted to dazzle your neck again."
Edward Cullen hugged Dracula and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Dracula said.
"I think so too," Edward Cullen said and they bit each other's neck until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Loch Ness Monster heart and lived excitedly until Edward Cullen got drunk again.
That's all for now. It's Halrloprillalar's Drabble-Matic, but I won't post the link since some are kinda NSFW but not really.
If you have more links then post them! I love these.
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Post by Butterscotch on Sept 9, 2009 8:31:13 GMT -5
The Miracle Of The Penguin
Ganondorf hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a storm cloud that poured angry rain all over and ruined everyone's picnics. He loathed it.
Every December, Ganondorf would feel himself getting all grimy inside. He refused to put up a Christmas mouse, he snapped at anyone messy enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Ganondorf had to go to the mall to buy a sticky lamp. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing quickly around and so much Christmas music blaring angrily, he thought his nose would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a wet woman collecting for charity. Ganondorf never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the wet woman dropped his bells and ran in a desk. There was a dusty penguin right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the wet woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Ganondorf rushed out and hopefully pushed them both out of the way. There was a sparkly bang and then everything went dark.
When Ganondorf woke up, he was in a dry room. There was a Christmas mouse in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Ganondorf's butt hurt. A lot.
The wet woman came into the room. "I'm so pretty!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Chelsea. You saved me from the truck. But your butt is broken."
Ganondorf hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas mouse up and his butt was broken, he felt quite stinky, especially when he looked at Chelsea.
"Your butt must hurt seductively," Chelsea said. "I think this will help." And she attacked Ganondorf several times.
Now Ganondorf felt very stinky indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Chelsea. "I love you," he said, and kissed Chelsea softly.
"I love you too," said Chelsea. Just then, the penguin ran into the room and nuzzled Ganondorf's finger. "I brought him home with us," Chelsea said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Ganondorf said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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Post by Butterscotch on Sept 9, 2009 15:10:10 GMT -5
A Dusty Day To Sing
Buffy the Vampire Slayer stepped quickly out into the glittery sunshine, and admired Tuxedo Mask's leg. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a fabulous sight."
Tuxedo Mask climbed off the crossbow and walked slowly across the grass to greet his lover. Buffy the Vampire Slayer patted Tuxedo Mask on the throat and then tried to sing him purposefully, but without success.
"That's all right," Tuxedo Mask said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not salty," Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "Not as salty as the time we gathered in a coffin."
Tuxedo Mask nodded crossly. "We were spongy back in those days."
"Our chests were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Buffy the Vampire Slayer said. "Everything seems scary and painful when you're young."
"Of course," Tuxedo Mask said. "But now we're colorful, we can still have fun. If we go about it artfully."
"Artfully?" Buffy the Vampire Slayer said . "But how?"
"With this," Tuxedo Mask said and held out a soft axe. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to sing."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer swallowed the axe at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to sing artfully. They gathered like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Glittery Love
Buffy the Vampire Slayer finished packing. Ever since Tuxedo Mask, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Buffy the Vampire Slayer had been colorful.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing gathered her, all was salty. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going in a coffin to become a spongy crossbow.
Just then, there was a fabulous knock at the door. Buffy the Vampire Slayer opened it and stood there slowly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her throat.
When Buffy the Vampire Slayer came to, Tuxedo Mask was holding her leg and looking dusty. "My love," Tuxedo Mask said purposefully, "I'm sorry for the scary shock. I've been shipwrecked on a soft island for the last ten years, living like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my chest in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer could hardly believe her Tuxedo Mask had returned. "I will always love you, chest or no chest. Besides, you can cover it up with an axe."
They embraced crossly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was painful.
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Post by Snake on Sept 15, 2009 19:36:35 GMT -5
This line:
is so perfect. Same with the whale simile.
Kitschy Love
Apollo finished packing. Ever since Klavier, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Apollo had been lageniform.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing cross-examined him, all was sparkly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a boat to become a liberalish light bulb.
Just then, there was an oysterlike knock at the door. Apollo opened it and stood there outrageously for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his nose.
When Apollo came to, Klavier was holding his eye and looking gargantuan. "My love," Klavier said nautically, "I'm sorry for the glimmerous shock. I've been shipwrecked on a glitzy island for the last ten years, living like gracefulness of a cat walking along a fence. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Apollo could hardly believe his Klavier had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a nautical-themed pashmina afghan."
They embraced impatiently and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was vulnerable.
1000 Bracelet Platypuss
Apollo paced naïvely back and forth. Vulnerable dread filled his heart. Klavier should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my lageniform love, Apollo thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Klavier had been taken hostage by Sparkly Nose, a supervillain who had the city in a state of liberalish terror. Apollo fainted dead away, like gracefulness of a cat walking along a fence.
When he came to, there was a bump on his eye and the vulnerable dread had returned. "Klavier, my oysterlike honey bunny," he cried out impatiently. "What is Sparkly Nose doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing adorably as he cross-examined him in the arm.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Apollo remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 bracelet platypuss, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Apollo ordered in a supply of bracelet and set to work, folding platypuss until his eye was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last platypus when Klavier walked in the front door.
"Klavier!" Apollo screamed and threw himself into Klavier's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 bracelet platypuss and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a boat. He kissed Klavier outrageously on the arm.
"Actually," Klavier said, pulling away nautically, "I was rescued by the Kitschy Light Bulb. He's a new superhero in town." Klavier sighed. "And he's really glitzy."
The vulnerable dread came back. "But you're gargantuan to be back here with me, right?"
Klavier checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Kitschy Light Bulb for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay glimmerous, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Apollo choked back a sob and started folding another platypus. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
The Miracle Of The Platypus
Apollo hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like gracefulness of a cat walking along a fence. He loathed it.
Every December, Apollo would feel himself getting all sparkly inside. He refused to put up a Christmas nautical-themed pashmina afghan, he snapped at anyone vulnerable enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Apollo had to go to the mall to buy a gargantuan light bulb. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing impatiently around and so much Christmas music blaring naïvely, he thought his arm would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a liberalish man collecting for charity. Apollo never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the liberalish man dropped his bells and ran on a boat. There was a kitschy platypus right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the liberalish man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Apollo rushed out and outrageously pushed them both out of the way. There was a oysterlike bang and then everything went dark.
When Apollo woke up, he was in a glitzy room. There was a Christmas nautical-themed pashmina afghan in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Apollo's eye hurt. A lot.
The liberalish man came into the room. "I'm so lageniform!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Klavier. You saved me from the truck. But your eye is broken."
Apollo hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas nautical-themed pashmina afghan up and his eye was broken, he felt quite glimmerous, especially when he looked at Klavier.
"Your eye must hurt nautically," Klavier said. "I think this will help." And he cross-examined Apollo several times.
Now Apollo felt very glimmerous indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Klavier. "I love you," he said, and kissed Klavier adorably.
"I love you too," said Klavier. Just then, the platypus ran into the room and nuzzled Apollo's nose. "I brought him home with us," Klavier said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Apollo said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
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Post by Snake on Sept 17, 2009 2:50:50 GMT -5
A Kanye West apology!
KANYEAPOLOGYCITY
I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO MADONNA AND CHRISTOPHER WALKEN FOR TAUNTING THE POKE BALL. I SPOKE TO CHRISTOPHER WALKEN RIGHT AFTER. MADONNA IS VERY GLIMMEROUS !!........... I'M IN THE WRONG FOR TRAINING AND APOLOGIZING!!!!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MICROSOFT. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO MADONNA 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I'M A FAN OF LIGHT SABER!!! YA KNOW!!! BOOOOYAAAWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! Y'ALL I GAVE MY SUNGLASSES TO WILLIAM SHATNER WHEN THEY DESERVED IT... THAT'S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT CRAZY YALL, I'M JUST BEING REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!!MUCH RESPECT!!!!!
JUNE 24
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Post by Butterscotch on Nov 6, 2009 11:12:50 GMT -5
The Hollow Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Ganondorf and Popuri went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Ganondorf hit Popuri in her brain with a big mushy iceball. It hurt a lot, but Ganondorf kissed it seriously and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really attractive snow man!" Ganondorf said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Popuri said. "That would be more glamorous and politically correct."
"I know," Ganondorf said. "We can make a snow penguin. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up enthusiastically and made a spicy snow penguin. Ganondorf put on a broom for the finger. The penguin was almost as big as Popuri.
"It looks clean," Ganondorf said joyously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Popuri said and held up a creepy lip gloss. "I found this in the shower." She put the lip gloss onto the penguin's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the penguin, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows.
Popuri screamed accidentally and ran but the snow penguin chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow penguin grabbed her roughly.
"Nobody does that to my little Quaint Camera," Ganondorf screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow penguin through the neck. It fell down and Ganondorf kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Popuri said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The lip gloss lay in the yard until a greasy child picked it up and took it home.
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Post by Butterscotch on Nov 6, 2009 11:14:33 GMT -5
1000 Camera Penguins
Popuri paced accidentally back and forth. Mushy dread filled her heart. Ganondorf should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my glamorous love, Popuri thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Ganondorf had been taken hostage by Creepy Neck, a supervillain who had the city in a state of quaint terror. Popuri fainted dead away, like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows.
When she came to, there was a bump on her finger and the mushy dread had returned. "Ganondorf, my spicy honey bunny," she cried out seriously. "What is Creepy Neck doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing roughly as he grabbed him in the brain.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Popuri remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 camera penguins, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Popuri ordered in a supply of camera and set to work, folding penguins until her finger was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last penguin when Ganondorf walked in the front door.
"Ganondorf!" Popuri screamed and threw herself into Ganondorf's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 camera penguins and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing in the shower. She kissed Ganondorf joyously on the brain.
"Actually," Ganondorf said, pulling away enthusiastically, "I was rescued by the Hollow Lip Gloss. She's a new superhero in town." Ganondorf sighed. "And she's really clean."
The mushy dread came back. "But you're attractive to be back here with me, right?"
Ganondorf checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hollow Lip Gloss for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay greasy, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Popuri choked back a sob and started folding another penguin. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
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Post by Pickle on Dec 9, 2009 4:36:59 GMT -5
Man, Butters, I know this is mad libs, but I think you own the Legend of Zelda/Harvest Moon love cross-over centering around Gannon.
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Post by Butterscotch on Jan 19, 2010 11:46:14 GMT -5
fell asleep yesterday listening to an old album that my mom had. I really enjoyed it, though I had a weird dream. It was kind of like one of the old songs.
I've been workin' in Hyrule,
All the shiny day.
I've been workin' in Hyrule,
Just to pass the time away.
Don't you hear the whistle waiting?
Rise up so early in the morn.
Don't you hear Princess Zelda shouting
“Buffy the Vampire Slayer, grabs your horn? ”
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs your horn?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won't you grabs your horn?
Someone's in the kitchen with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Someone's in the kitchen, I know.
Someone's in the kitchen with Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Strumming on the old ocarina.
It was the weirdest dream I've had in a long time!
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Post by Butterscotch on Feb 11, 2012 0:10:59 GMT -5
BUMP!
To Dreamily Jog
Chelsea and Ganondorf were celebrating a sparkling Valentine's Day together. Chelsea had cooked a creepy dinner and they ate on a boat by candlelight.
"My darling," Ganondorf said, stroking Chelsea's spleen, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Chelsea. "It is but a dirty token of my hot love."
Chelsea opened the box. Inside was a delightfu barrel! She gazed at it majestically. Then she gazed at Ganondorf majestically. "It's mammoth," Chelsea said. "Come here and let me jog you."
Just then, an old-fashioned crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an obnoxious voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Ganondorf read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other innocently as the crone cackled some more. Chelsea's neck began to tremble. Then Ganondorf shrugged, pulled out a cloud, and hit the crone on her boob. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Chelsea said and kissed Ganondorf roughly. "This is a juicy Valentine's Day!"
They awkwardly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they jogged each other all night long.
~*~*~*
A Cloud In Time
On a dirty and juicy morning, Chelsea sat on a boat. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her neck ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Ganondorf to love someone with a hot spleen?
Innocently, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a delightfu sparkling pipe, all on a summer's day. I wish my Ganondorf would jog me, in his own creepy way..."
"Do you?" Ganondorf sat down beside Chelsea and put his hand on Chelsea's boob. "I think that could be arranged."
Chelsea gasped majestically. "But what about my hot spleen?"
"I like it," Ganondorf said dreamily. "I think it's old-fashioned."
They came together and their kiss was like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows.
"I love you," Chelsea said roughly.
"I love you too," Ganondorf replied and jogged her.
They bought a pig, moved in together, and lived awkwardly ever after.
~*~*~*
The Kitty Prince
Sailor Moon was walking through a glamerous meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied an old-fashioned little kitty lying under a tree.
Sailor Moon skipped over to see the dear thing and was mammoth to find that he was hurt! A cell phone had pierced his slippery little boob and he whimpered quickly with the pain.
"My pointy little friend," Sailor Moon said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the cell phone, as innocently as she could. The kitty cried out and Sailor Moon's heart ached, like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows.. "You'll be all right," Sailor Moon whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Link and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Link up in her arms, Sailor Moon carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Sailor Moon nursed Link, cleaning his boob and feeding him Book-brand kitty chow.
On the eighth night, Link climbed into bed with Sailor Moon. He burrowed under the covers and happily danced Sailor Moon's hair. It made Sailor Moon giggle and she cuddled close to Link, stroking his leg and singing dreamily to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sailor Moon hurried home so she could curl up with Link. It gave her a bright feeling whenever Link danced her hair.
Then one night, Link looked up at Sailor Moon and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sexy prince."
Sailor Moon screamed magically, she was so surprised. How could a kitty talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Link said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sailor Moon said and kissed Link on his leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sexy prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Link," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sailor Moon said.
"See?" Link said and showed Sailor Moon the scar from the cell phone on his boob. Then he kissed Sailor Moon and they tumbled on the moon and did a lot of very fantastic things, some of them involving a sparkly tiara.
"I love you," Link said when they were done. Sailor Moon clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Link had stashed away.
And if Link didn't know about Sailor Moon's visits to the kitty sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
~*~*~*
I'm Dreaming Of A Glamerous Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Sailor Moon sat happily on the moon, sipping bright eggnog.
She looked at the mammoth book hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Link had hung it there, just before they looked at each other magically and then fell into each other's arms and danced each other's leg.
If only I hadn't been so sparkly, Sailor Moon thought, pouring a pointy amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Link might not have got so fantastic and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an old-fashioned tear and held her boob in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a sexy voice lifted innocently up in song.
I'm dreaming of a glamerous Christmas
Just like a whale that exploded, only instead of exploding blubber and whale guts guts, it exploded puppies and rainbows.
Sailor Moon ran to the door. It was Link, looking slippery all over with snow.
"I missed you quickly," Link said. "And I wanted to dance your leg again."
Sailor Moon hugged Link and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Link said.
"I think so too," Sailor Moon said and they danced each other's leg until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted kitty hair and lived dreamily until Sailor Moon got drunk again.
~*~*~*
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[M:9]
