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Post by ditzygrl911 on Dec 7, 2005 15:53:41 GMT -5
Your welcome! Keep up the good work!
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 7, 2005 16:04:12 GMT -5
Yeah, keep up the good work! Write more stories as good as this once you are done!
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Post by Firehead on Dec 7, 2005 16:09:04 GMT -5
Thanks ^^ I'm writing chapter 3 now ^^
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 7, 2005 16:12:04 GMT -5
YAY! Lol, sorry, that is probably the highlight of my day.
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Post by moko on Dec 7, 2005 20:43:42 GMT -5
good story, but the whole claire and gray getting together thing was kinda rushed. i mean, they had only met each other the day before!
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Post by Pickle on Dec 14, 2005 0:29:49 GMT -5
Well, I don't mind the sudden kissing. I acutally like the story.
However, and I know I shouldn't say it, but you're grammar/mechanics suck. A few times, you wrote in both the second and first person. And the paragraphing is horrid.
But, like I said, the story is nice.
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Post by Firehead on Dec 16, 2005 16:09:29 GMT -5
I noticed I ahd written in 2nd once, I thought I ahd gotten it all. Paragraphing of mine does suck thoug. XP. Wait till you read the third chapter.
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Post by Firehead on Dec 16, 2005 16:20:59 GMT -5
I'm writing right now actually ^^
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Post by Firehead on Dec 16, 2005 16:42:11 GMT -5
Chapter 3:Just Dreaming
I woke up to the sound of a voice. I looked around. Had we really kissed? I heard a couple voices around me.
“…..she’s awake”
“Doctor come quick!”
“Yes Elli?”
“She’s awake you idiot!”
“Oh” I sat up. Where was I?
“You worked to hard” a man with a silver thing on his head. He was obviously a doctor “You were brushing the horse and you were knocked out, that’s what Gray said” I sat up instantly.
“Where is Gray?” I asked.
“He’s at the library, he’s looking up ‘How to keep fatigue from running out’” The Doctor laughed. I didn’t. His joke was cold and harsh. “But he really is” he then added giving a serious face. “He also said he wasn’t going to let that happen to you again. Never ever…….now get some rest, It’s nighttime. Gray Will be here soon” With that I turned over, and I thought about what the Doctor had said. He must really care about me…..why else would he be in the Library?...... I dozed off, dreaming of Gray……wherever he was…….
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I woke up the next morning pretty tired. The Doctor handed me some Bodigizer and Turbojolt and I was out of there. I started out to the beach. It was only morning after all, and still sorta dark. I wanted to see the sun rise. I walked down the steps and sat myself down in the sand. It was pretty warm condsidering it was only summer, and it soothed my feet. I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned suddenly. It was Gray? What the hell was he doing here? He had a book in his hand, and was panting wildly. I smiled and he looked up.
“I……..found it” he said, out of breath. The purple circles under his eyes were now visable under the new morning sunshine. “I……figured out how to keep you from collapsing” he held the book up, then opened it and started flipping the pages. “It says here…..” his breath was back “That you can find ‘Power Berrys’ and it will give you a little more strength each time you find one! There are only ten of them! So hurry up and find them!” he walked over and sat down next to me.
“Huh?” I asked
“I said” he was talking a little slower “You can find red berry’s that will help you work more, that way you wont collapse again!” he exclaimed at the end. I stared at him, grinning. Now I was laughing
“You have got yo be joking me!” I was now rolling around on the floor. “Berry’s that help you work longer!” My stomach was aching from laughter. He shoved something bright red in my face and said
“Eat it” his smile erased from his face. “I’m telling to it will work, you’ll faint again if you don’t find them all”
I took the “Power Berry” from him and took a bite. It tasted like sugar and sweets and all of the candies in the world combined! It was…..it was so…. There was now words fro it! He was right! I took another bite, and my mouth watered. I was in heaven. I looked at Gray and he was beaming. I took another bite and finished it. I didn’t feel any stronger, but my taste buds did! I wanted more of the stuff!
“I found that one lying around in your house a while back. It was covered in dirt so I washed it and gave it to you! How was it?”
“Delicious!” I screamed “I must have more!” he started to laugh.
“What ever happened to ‘It wont work! You have to be joking!’?” He said imitating me. I glared at him “Just…..kidding?” I smiled and gave him and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back. We stood there in silence, watching the sun rise up in all it’s glory, and I had my head on his shoulder, his head on my head. We watched some more, not caring if anyone saw us.
Authors Notes: Aww right? So they didn’t kiss. And she fainted without knowing it. How did you guys like it…..by the way, feel free to criticize me because it helps me get better at writing, not hurt me ^^. This chapter is short also! If you have any ideas you might want to see happen, PM me!
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 16, 2005 21:26:06 GMT -5
Aww, yes...aww is right. They are so cute together! Now I can bother you for more. MORE!
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Post by Firehead on Dec 16, 2005 21:29:31 GMT -5
xD She didnt even know she fainted xD It was seamless!
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 16, 2005 21:34:49 GMT -5
I know...I was like...wow. She didn't know? I probably wouldn't either...lol.
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 16, 2005 21:42:01 GMT -5
Yeah, I know. Yeah, I was wondering if he went to see Mary also. Is he a two timer? I don't like those guys...>_< Good thing I never went out with one...
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Post by Firehead on Dec 16, 2005 22:11:58 GMT -5
That was very good, but I'm confused on one part. At the end of chapter 2, they finished brushing the horse and he walked her home and everything...oh wait, that's part of her dream, right? -_-;; never mind. lol Everything after the kiss is a dream.^^ |
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Post by pendulous threads on Dec 16, 2005 22:13:51 GMT -5
Oh, so they really did kiss? YAY! Lol...wow...
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