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Post by Butterscotch on Oct 26, 2005 0:56:56 GMT -5
a slightly revised version of one of my older fics
Chapter One:
By the Goddess Pond
The dank green smell of moss and algae filled Karen's nostrils. She could her water trickling, and felt a cool spring breeze on her face. She was at the Goddess Pond, her favorite place in the world. Rick knew that, which was why he had brought her here. Karen knelt by the water's edge, she knew what was coming, and there was no way to avoid it.
Rick's hands fumbled in his pockets.
Hurry up, Karen thought, and get this over with.
Rick finally found what he was looking for: a blue feather.
"Karen...I...that is I, well, I...." he stammered.
What other choice do I have? she thought, and took the feather from him without saying a word. Let Rick think she was too choked up with emotions to speak; let him think that the tears that glittered on her lashes were tears of joy. Rick was her dear friend, and he would make a good husband. But he was not the one she wanted....
~*~*~*
Word of the engagment spread quickly, in large part due to Manna's heroic efforts. She visited every house in Mineral Town, from Anna and Basil, to Jack, telling everyone of the glad tidings. It wasn't until after noon had passed that Manna realized she had not told the very person who would be preforming the ceremony: Pastor Carter! She rushed to the church and found Carter in his usual place at the pulpit.
"Did you hear?" Manna said. "Karen and Rick got engaged!"
"They did...? That...that is very good news. A wedding..." Then Carter smiled his warm, sunny smile. "Well, I'd better make snacks for May and Stu" and he disapeared into the back rooms of the church. It wasn't until much later that Manna rememberd that it was Monday and May and Stu wouldn't be visiting Carter at all.
In the church confession booth Carter slumped against the all. He'd known that Karen would get married someday and that that someone would likely be Rick...Carter remembered a day three years before. He had been walking near the goddess pond when he heard someone singing. Such a pure, sweet voice! Carter had crept closer. The singer was Karen. She was singing an old folk-song about a woman whose lover is untrue to her. Carter had heard the song many times before but Karen's angelic voice infused the old song with a depth he had never heard. He hid until the song was over. By then he had fallen in love with Karen. It was for that reason that he organized the Fall Music Festival, all for Karen. But in all this time he had never told her how he felt...and now it was too late.
to be continued
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Post by fxeni on Oct 26, 2005 1:03:08 GMT -5
Oooo... intriguing! Can't wait to read the rest ^_^
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Post by Butterscotch on Oct 26, 2005 1:04:14 GMT -5
It has a very interesting plot twist!  |
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VenusAdept
Small Milk
Long time no see :D
Posts: 40
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Post by VenusAdept on Oct 26, 2005 14:09:59 GMT -5
 ' Oh my.. ^^' Can't wait to read the rest. |
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Post by Pickle on Oct 29, 2005 13:53:33 GMT -5
I really can't tell what you fixed, so my response is still the same from the original!
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Post by Butterscotch on Oct 29, 2005 15:27:34 GMT -5
Basically I just merged the first two chapters and added more description.The last paragraph is exactly the same as the last paragraph in chapter two. The story was orginally six or seven short chapters, and it will be about three or four longer chapters now.
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Post by Pickle on Oct 29, 2005 20:11:02 GMT -5
That's always good!
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' Oh my.. ^^' Can't wait to read the rest.
