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Post by Limegreen Queen on Apr 6, 2006 20:01:53 GMT -5
This is my first fan fiction attempt. I would really appreciate comments! If I don't get any comments for a month I will delete the story so please leave a comment!
The intro tells about Jamie and his past. The next chapter or so is in the view of Jamie. This is based on Magical Melody. Hope you like it!
Intro:
Jamie and his girlfriend of 3 years walked to the ferry. They were leaving this town never to return. At least they weren’t planning it. They boarded the ferry and watched the waves crash against the side. Another person had boarded the boat but they didn’t care. They were in love and that’s all that mattered. They were heading to Flower Bud Village to start over. Her parents didn’t approve of him and his had died. They had no one in Mineral Town to depend on or look to for help. Jamie looked at the one regret for leaving this town. Elli. His little sister. She looked up to him. He had taken care of her and Stu. No one but Elli, Stu, and Ellen knew about Jamie’s relation to them. Jamie was a problem child. He pulled pranks on everyone except the girls and Ellen. He pulled some on Stu every now and then just because. They told everyone else he was a friend of Elli’s from Mushroom City, where Elli and Stu had previously lived with their parents. Jamie was from his father’s first marriage. His mother and younger sister died in a car crash. Jamie was in the car as well. He was lucky to survive, the only reason he did was because of his mother. She had saved him by putting on his seatbelt just before the other car hit them. “A drunk driver kills a mother of two and her youngest child” was the headline of the paper the next day. Every since then, Jamie hasn’t been able to set foot inside a bar. His father had loved him until he found Elli and Stu’s mom. He spent very little time with Jamie after that. Then Elli was born. Nothing changed much. They did stuff together. His father actually spent more time with Jamie because this was his only son. Everyone was happy, even Jamie. Elli’s mother then decided she wanted another child. Three months later Stu was born. Jamie’s father had forgotten about him. They moved to Mineral Town right after Stu was born. A few months later, Stu and Elli’s parents died in a fire. Elli was 10 and Stu wasn’t even one. Now he was 16 and decided that he wanted a family to make up for the one that he really never had. He dated all the available girls in town, except for Elli and another girl whose name he didn’t know. Then he met her. After three years of searching he found her, Karen, the girl of his dreams. Now they were leaving for Flower Bud Village.
The next morning they were in Flower Bud Village. When they arrived a strange looking man greeted them. He told them he was the mayor and that he would show them around. He showed them to the land where they would be staying. It was near a cave full of ores and clay. It was also near a beautiful mountain side. The very small house was soon expanded. Jamie even bought a bigger bed. He and Karen had been dating for 3 years and a half now. This is were the story starts.
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Post by deborah on Apr 15, 2006 0:55:47 GMT -5
That is a very good story
you should write more
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Post by mineralgirl on Apr 15, 2006 10:18:11 GMT -5
That was a good story, but too many periods! @_@ Maybe you could replace the periods...?
Plus, there's only two paragraphs, which makes it hard to read. I know that this is your first attempt at a fanfic, so it's pretty good and long for a beginner. In the next installment, maybe you could take those suggestions and make it better...?
*coughcough*^^^ Please ignore my rude self ^^^*coughcough* It was nice! JAMIE IS A TRAITOR!!!! He has dated Ann, then Popuri (poor Kai), then Mary (damn...Does Gray even care about her?), but has not dated Elli (Doc: YES!!!!). But how could he not notice Karen who practicly LIVES NEXT TO ELLI AND THE CLINIC WHERE ELLI WORKS?!?!?!?!?!
*sniff* Rick shall be mad...
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Post by Limegreen Queen on Apr 15, 2006 21:07:02 GMT -5
*coughcough*^^^ Please ignore my rude self ^^^*coughcough* It was nice! JAMIE IS A TRAITOR!!!! He has dated Ann, then Popuri (poor Kai), then Mary (damn...Does Gray even care about her?), but has not dated Elli (Doc: YES!!!!). But how could he not notice Karen who practicly LIVES NEXT TO ELLI AND THE CLINIC WHERE ELLI WORKS?!?!?!?!?!
*sniff* Rick shall be mad...[/quote]
Elli is his sister! Did I not say that? If I didn't then I need to edit it then. I will take your suggestments into mind and use them in my next chapter which isn't even started yet. And thank you Deborah!
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Post by BorderWolf on Apr 15, 2006 21:10:58 GMT -5
Yes you did say that Elli is Jamie's sister, even if they only shared the same father. Great story so far.
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Post by Limegreen Queen on Apr 15, 2006 21:29:14 GMT -5
Thank you! I thought I did say that but I wasn't sure. More should be coming soon. Maybe by Monday since I don't have school. Idk!?!?
EDIT: I didn't say that Jamie lives with Elli and Stu did I? I can't remember if I did!
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Post by Herfefiny on May 7, 2006 19:57:15 GMT -5
Oh! They only shared the same FATHER! I get it now! ;D
Anyway, it's a great story, and I definetly think you should continue, because so far it's great! XD
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Post by Limegreen Queen on Jun 18, 2006 22:15:07 GMT -5
Sorry, I'm not going to be able to finish my story or next chapter anytime soon  sorry bout that. |
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sorry bout that.