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Post by cookie on May 4, 2006 20:40:31 GMT -5
Chapter 1
Popuri was walking out the door when her mother called out "Don't Forget your scraf"! It was in the middle of winter. "ok mom"! yelled Popuri, she was going to get something to eat with Kai for her birthday. After dinner Kia walking Poprui home from dinner. when they got to her house they say the ambulance there. "Mother"! cried Popuri, "She must be getting sicker without father"! "I wish dad would find the herds faster" she sobbed. "In will be alright" said kia tring to be cheerful. Popuri went to the docter with Lillia. they said she had a rare sickness called lickomenta. Its when its hard for you to breath and your stomach hurts alll the time.
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Post by cookie on May 4, 2006 20:49:45 GMT -5
Popuri was walking out the door when her mother called out "Don't Forget your scraf"! It was in the middle of winter. "ok mom"! yelled Popuri, she was going to get something to eat with Kai for her birthday. After dinner Kia walking Poprui home from dinner. when they got to her house they saw the ambulance there. "Mother"! cried Popuri, "She must be getting sicker without father"! "I wish dad would find the herds faster" she sobbed. "In will be alright" said kia tring to be cheerful. Popuri went to the docter with Lillia. they said she had a rare sickness called lickomenta. Its when its hard for you to breath and your stomach hurts all the time.
please tell me what you think thx READ THIS ONE NOT THE TOP ONE ty
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Post by melody on May 4, 2006 20:51:58 GMT -5
How about you join?  You can be a member and post your fanfics. It's cute so far. Keep up the good work! ^-^ |
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Post by cookie on May 4, 2006 20:56:46 GMT -5
Chapter 2
After a week she gotout of the hospital but the docter said they had to move and buy new stuff or Popuri,and Rick would catch it. "Mother where are we going to move"? she asked. "I don't know honey" Lillia said. "Can we move in with Kia"?! Popuri asked. "No way"! Rick said, "I don't like that guy"!. "Be quiet"! yelled Popuri "Let Mom diside"!. "Ok honey i'll ask him but if he says no we'll let Rick diside"said Lillia.
P.S Chapter 3 will be coming soon and tell me what you think of it ty
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Post by BorderWolf on May 4, 2006 20:57:09 GMT -5
Not to bad, but I think that you ment to say herbs ( plants ), because herds is groups of animals.
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Post by cookie on May 4, 2006 21:00:57 GMT -5
Chapter 3
The next day Lillia ask Kai if they could live with him. "Sure"! he said "Yay" shouted Popuri. "Drat" whispered Rick " I wanted to live with Karen"
The rest of chapter 3 will come i can't finish right now
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Post by cookie on May 4, 2006 21:02:30 GMT -5
I'd love to join and yes i did mean to say herbs thanks for that
--cookie
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Post by Limegreen Queen on May 4, 2006 21:59:34 GMT -5
Its a cute story but you might want to proof read it! We all make mistakes though!  I hope you continue! |
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Post by cookie on May 5, 2006 17:18:26 GMT -5
yeah thats what i keep forgeting |
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Post by Limegreen Queen on May 6, 2006 10:52:52 GMT -5
lol. If you need someone to proof read it you can pm it to me and I'll read it and I'll tell you about the mistakes and correct them if you want. Please continue!!
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Post by cookie on May 7, 2006 15:22:10 GMT -5
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on May 26, 2006 20:27:36 GMT -5
I've gotten really confused. Here's why:
1. you mean scarf in the first chapter right?
2. Why did you post chapter 1 exactly the same twice?
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You can be a member and post your fanfics.
I hope you continue!
[M:0]
