HARVEST MOON TV!

[LC]

XD It's retarted, but in a good way

[melody]

And you're retarded for misspelling "retarded." XD

Just kidding.

[LC]

............It was the proboards spellcheck, I swear! XP


Nah, I'm tired, and that means I have trouble spelling certain words

[sbester]

EPISODE EIGHT: SNOW WHITE



Winter had finally come, and Jack was having a ball. He had nothing to eat, nor any money to buy food with, but that did not seem to phase the lad one bit. Everyday seemed like a new adventure, whether it be tobogganing, skiing, or just playing in the snow! On Tuesday, Jack thought it would be funny to run around town and hide in the snow as he threw snowballs at the townspeople. He awarded himself extra points for every person he seriously injured. This was truly the best season ever!
But with no food or money, Jack was completely unprepared for disaster, and on Thursday, disaster struck the little town. While the people all slept in their nice warm beds, a blizzard occurred outside. Jack awoke the next day and found that it was too snowy to see anything outside, which he was delighted to know. That day, he went out to enjoy the snow once again, until he became cold and had to go inside. The storm continued for 3 days, and on the third day, the snow had gotten so piled up that it was higher than his own house. Jack was snowed in.
“What are we gonna do, Ruff?” he looked down at his clueless companion. The dog seemed to have no ideas of his own either.
There had to be some way for Jack to get outside and play in the snow, and perhaps find some food while he was at it. The first job was to somehow get from his home base to the tool shed so that he could get a shovel, but he was in desperate need of one at this moment. Then the boy remembered that when he had his house rebuilt, the generous townspeople made an escape passage on the roof for the youth to climb out of… but the ladder was also left in the tool shed.
Picking up his dog, Jack set him into place and stepped on the poor animal as he tried to gain leverage. Not liking this, Ruff walked away, and Jack fell to the ground with a loud thump.
“Miserable little…” Jack fused. Getting up again, Jack moved his bed into place and got on top of it. With ease, he grabbed the cord that hung from the ceiling and pulled on it. The escape passage had been opened. Now it was time for Jack to do what he did best: jump on the bed. He jumped, over and over, forgetting the task at hand almost completely until he jumped so high that his head fit itself through the escape pass. It was then that Jack grabbed hold of the roof and pulled himself up.
Victory! Jack was on the roof, and it seemed that the snow had settled itself right at the edges. That is a lot of snow, jack marveled. Now it was time for him to make his way to the tool shed. Only the roof of that building could be seen as well. Without another thought, the boy launched himself forward and off the roof. He then landed in the snow before him, DEEP in the snow.
Stunned and cold, he turned his head and looked upward. Jack was stuck in the 7 foot high pile up of snow. Instead of thinking about how he was going to get out, Jack decided to start digging towards the front door of the shed… or at least where he thought that would be. It seemed that the more he dug, the less progress he was making and the more snow that fell on top of his back. It took a few moments, but Jack finally realized that the situation was hopeless, and he would have to think of how he was going to get anywhere.
Perhaps the only thing for him to do was to wait until the storm stopped, and the sun could come out and melt the snow. This might have worked, if that process did not require a few days to happen. Jack was already feeling very hungry, and his skin was beginning to feel the repercussions of the cold.
“I need… comic book fire powers!”

Intermission

Jack attempted to stand. It took a few tried, but he finally managed it. The snow below his neck all caved in and pinned him completely. It seemed that every time Jack tried something, it only got worse. He looked up, two feet of snow still towered over him all around his head.
Feeling there was nothing else he could do, he made a meal of the snow. It was not very satisfying, and he still wanted some real food. With all his might, he tried to wiggle his arms and legs free. The rest of the snow collapsed on top of him.
With no way of breathing, and the cold snow freezing his face, Jack panicked and waved his limbs around like never before. It was difficult, but Jack slowly progressed his way up to the top of the snow and stuck his head out in the cold wind.
“Freedom!” he yelled. He hadn’t gained any distance, but he was alive. It was then that he decided that jumping into the snow would have bad consequences, and he wouldn’t try it again.
Swimming in a pool of heavy snow, he forced his way closer to the roof of the tool shed. By the time he got there, he was frost bitten and shaking. Swallowing hard, he dove once again down to the depths of the snow, using the wall of the tool shed as a guide. Jack’s bottom landed on the doorknob on the way down, and being as frozen as it was, it broke off.
“Uh oh…”
With almost no room to move once again, Jack tried to use his feet to recover the broken knob below. He was too numb to feel anything, and he considered the knob a lost cause. How was he ever going to open the door now?
Feeling for the place where the knob had been, Jack’s finger found its way inside. The snow began to cave in once again with the movement, but with a push of his strength the door opened and Jack fell inside the tool shed in a heap of snow. He had succeeded!
Still half frozen, Jack pushed on with his mission.
The determined farmer grabbed hold of a shovel and began to dig at the snow blocking his doorway. Ofcourse, there was nowhere to actually put the snow except for in the tool shed, so that is what he did.
In an hour, Jack had gained around 7 feet of distance, and his tool shed was full of snow.
“I should be in town in a few short hours!” Jack said to himself with a proud smile. The boy continued to dig, long and hard. It was not long before he felt himself too tired to go on any longer. The lack of energy could have been blamed on the lack of food he had in his body, but putting the blame on something or someone was not going to help his situation at all.
Weakly, Jack hacked at the snow in front of him. He fell to his knees and began to claw at the end of his tunnel as best he could. It seemed helpless.

Intermission

Four hours had passed by, and Jack had lost all hope. He sat in his pathetic tunnel of snow wondering how he was ever going to survive this ordeal. The poor boy could now see he was getting a runny nose, and his health was being put a great risk.
“Ahh-chooo!!!!!!!” he sneezed.
Most of the tunnel collapsed behind him at the loud sound. Jack now sat in a tunnel that was not even four feet high, and 5 feet long. With nothing else to do, he began to dig once again.
Suddenly, he hit something hard. At first, he couldn’t believe it, but the shovel smacked against it once again and he celebrated with joy. He had reached town at last! He dropped the shovel and clawed at the hard surface, revealing in time a door!
Proudly, Jack took hold of the knob and let himself in.
Inside the house was very strange, there seemed to be no one inside the small building at all. There was an open hatch in the ceiling and a cruddy bed in the middle of the room, perhaps the people who lived here were crazy.
“I’ve entered a new dimension…”
He looked under the bed cautiously to examine the odd placement of such an object. Ruff was underneath.
“Ruff? What are you doing here?” the sleeping dog ignored him coldly.
Jack looked around once again. This was his home.
“The storm must have blown my house all the way into the town while I was sleeping!” Jack whispered in surprise.
He crawled in to bed, promising himself it would only be for a moment or two so that he could get warm. Unfortunately, the poor boy fell fast asleep.

Yeer:1 Munth: 4 Day: 7


THE END

( I know it was short…. It was hard to write though. This is what I always wanted to be able to do on the day of blizzards while playing the games, gimme a damned shovel!)

[melody]

..................


#lmfao#

Poor, stupid Jack. XD

[sbester]

EPISODE NINE: STARLIGHT



The starlight festival was one of the most important times in a young person’s life. This was frustrating to Jack, being the only young man of age to marry in the town, and having five eligible young women to choose from.
Ellen and Ann had not made the impression they had hoped on Jack, he was just too shallow to notice them in such a way. Eve was without a doubt one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, and they usually got along together quite well. Nina was ofcourse always in competition with Eve, and was equally as stunning. The girl was known for her temper, however, and Jack had gotten the worst of it when they had their “date”. Maria was a very sweet girl, and had a certain presence about her that captured Jack’s attention whenever they met. Aside from the religious devotion, she very well could be the right girl for him. It was just too bad that he wasn’t able to spend enough time with her to get to know her the way he wanted.
Tonight, Jack would have to ask one of these girls on a date with him, and pronounce themselves as a couple to the town. The farmer had no idea who he was going to ask.
Feeling hopeless, he threw on his coat and went outside into the cold winter atmosphere. He walked over to the ‘Goddess Pond’ and sat down to think, but something was wrong… he felt a presence.
“Jack…” a voice scared him. He looked around but could see nothing.
“Who’s there? Ruff? Was that you, boy?”
“No Jack, it is I.” a slim form appeared before him over the pond. It was a gorgeous spirit from another realm, come to give him a message. The boy had never seen anything or anyone so beautiful in his entire life.
“Wh…who are you?” Jack began to shake.
“I am the Harvest Goddess, my dear. And I have come to tell you great things.”
“Am I dead?” Jack pinched himself.
“No, Jack. That would not be a good thing, dear. You have a certain destiny in this town. A legacy that you must uphold. You are to be the protector of this town, my boy. Without your presence, the town will be in danger, and all your loved ones will perish.”
“That’s okay, I’m leaving in a little over a year anyway. I suck at farming.” Jack said brightly.
“…Yes, yes you do. That is why I have come to offer you a new path. Tonight you must choose the girl of your dreams, Jack, but you have no clue who that girl is. I propose that you marry me, and together we shall live in the outer realm, forever protecting the town from harm.”
Jack considered this for a moment before answering. “I can’t marry a ghost!”
“I am no ghost, you can be sure. I am a spirit goddess. I can make your wildest dreams come true, Jack. You will know pleasures you never thought existed!”
Jack knew exactly what she meant by this. Ice cream every night before bed! No farming duties as long as he shall live! A TV with more than 4 stations!
“Jack… you can live forever! If you were to choose another girl, you would have to be a farmer for the rest of your miserable life, and somehow manage to keep the farm in your family so that they can continue on in your place as the protector. The only way to ensure the town’s safety is to be with me!”

Intermission

“Hmm,” he was about to say yes, when he realized that this spirit goddess was completely nude. “What are THOSE!?” Jack pointed at her accusingly.
“Um… uh, these?” the Harvest goddess was taken aback.
“Yes, they look powerful. Is that where your power comes from?” Jack had a big smile on his face.
“That… that’s not funny. I really hope you’re joking.” The goddess held her hands over her breasts to cover them. This… protector, was obviously an idiot; but was he really that innocent? Was he truly going to be able to resist her sexual appeal?
“Sooooorrrryyy for not knowing about your power tools!” Jack was clearly offended. Why should he be expected to know where the source of her powers came from?
“Uhm… yes, in a way they are part of my powers… I suppose.”
“Cool! So can I have some too when I become a god?!” Jack jumped for joy in anticipation.
“You can’t be a god! You are mortal! No mortal can ever be a god, they can just gain the gift of eternal life.” The goddess explained.
“What are they called?”
“What are what called?”
“Your power mounds!” Jack yelled.
“Can we please get off the subject?”
“I WANT POWER MOUNDS!” Jack screamed adamantly.
“THEY’RE BREASTS, YOU MORON!” she screamed back, angered by the immaturity of her future husband.
“I’m not gonna marry you until you give them to me!” Jack folded his arms, crossed his legs, turned around and sat down with a very angered expression on his face.
“You will do as I say!”
“Meanie!” Jack refused to move.
“(Sigh). Alright, how about this: You can have anything OTHER than a pair of breasts. Sound good?” the goddess attempted to calm herself.
Jack turned around slowly. “Really?”
“Anything.” She promised.
“Well, I kinda like the look of that.”
“What?”
“Where your thingy is supposed to be.” He pointed.
“Oh, for crying out loud, kid!” the goddess was mad again.
“You promised!” Jack accused her.
“Alright, they’re yours. They just won’ be on your body… technically.” She laughed to herself. Poor Jack was confused as ever, and here she was making jokes that he didn’t understand. How rude!
“Can I touch?!” he jumped to his feet excitedly.
“Not until we are married.” She insisted.
Jack considered this deal. “Okay! What do I have to do?”
“A wedding for a goddess is much different than a mortal wedding. You must go out and find four important offerings.”
“You mean like wedding gifts?”
“Exactly!” she was finally getting through to the boy.
“Aren’t the guests supposed to bring those?” Jack inquired.
“Not this time. You must go and find something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”
“Then what?”
“Then you will come back here and throw them into the pond where they shall be sacrificed to the netherworld forever!” the goddess looked very serious.
“I can do that!” Jack exclaimed. “I’ll be back in an hour!”
Happy with his new arrangement, Jack set off to find the four items as a sacrifice for his future wife. It took a while, but Jack was back in just over an hour with the items.

Intermission

“Ah, you have returned, my love!” the goddess was happy to see him.
“Yep. I got all of the things you wanted too!” Jack said with pride.
“Wonderful. Okay, something old?”
Jack walked over to the first item and removed the tape from its mouth.
“Jack, what on earth is the meaning of this? Oh my, it is the great Harvest goddess!” the local priest cried in wonder.
“SomeTHING, not someone!” the goddess was infuriated.
“Same thing.” Jack pushed the priest into the pond, where he would be banished forever to the netherworld.
“Jack! What have you done? This man worships me!” she cried.
“That’s okay, you have me now!” he said triumphantly.
“Rrrgh! Fine. Something new, it better notbe a small child or I swear!”
“It’s not. Couldn’t find one in time. Look! I cut my finger!” Jack held his hand up to her for inspection.
“…So?”
“It’s a new cut! Still bleeding!” he waved it around.
“Honey… how do you expect to get that into the netherworld without losing your entire finger?”
“On second thought, I’ll look for an infant in a few minutes.”
“Ugh! This is hopeless!”
“And here we have something blue!” Jack held out a pretty violet.
“Jack, you didn’t remember the last thing, did you?”
“Wasn’t there only three?”
“No. You forgot something borrowed.” She held her head with her hand, annoyed beyond any feeling she had ever had in her existence. And that was a very long time.
“Oh yeah!” Jack remembered. He pulled out a small farming guide from his pocket.
“Hmm… looks like you could have used this during the year. Who did you borrow It from?” the goddess was relieved that he got something right.
“Myself, I won’t be missing it, I promise.” He smiled.
“JACK!!!!!! You are without a doubt the dumbest creature in the history of all existence! I’ve known squirrels with twice the IQ you have!” the goddess yelled uncontrollably.
“Aw, our first fight. I will treasure this forever. If we fight as much as my parents, there will be a whole lot more!” Jack tried to lighten the situation.
“I can’t do this! Father was right, earthlings are not worthy. I may spend the rest of eternity alone, but I know it will be much better than listening to you!” she pointed.
“You can’t mean that! You’re angry, just calm down and we can get through this.” Jack tried to console her.
“Have fun trying to protect your precious village when you die a mortal’s death! Good-BYE!” the goddess disappeared.
Jack was stunned.
“I still want my power mounds!” he yelled into the pond. Poor Jack felt totally alone and unwanted, and now he was back to where he began.
Who will I spend the starlight festival with now? He thought. Oh well, at least I got rid of the priest… if only I could get rid of the church too.
“Hi, Jack.” He turned around and saw Maria standing behind him.
“Hello.”
“Do you mind if I sit down?” she asked.
“’Kay.”
Maria took a seat beside Jack at the rim of the pond. They stayed in silence for a few minutes, neither one knowing what to say.
“Jack, would you mind if I asked you a question?” she finally broke the uncomfortable silence.
“Go ahead.”
“Why is it that you haven’t asked anyone to go to the festival yet?”
Jack did not know what to say to this. “I…don’t know.”
“Well, you are the only boy of age to marry, and it is expected of you. I understand that it may be a lot of pressure, but the townspeople are counting on you. Are you planning on moving back to the city? Is that it? You want a city girl?” Maria was confused.
“That isn’t it. I don’t know who to choose.” Jack sighed.
“Well, I know we haven’t had much time to really talk… but if you are having so much trouble deciding, perhaps that means that you haven’t been spending time with the right girl yet?”
Jack was confused by this. “Uh… yes.”
“So perhaps… you could listen to your heart and make a decision?” Maria questioned him. He looked into her beautiful blue eyes, they sparkled like nothing he had ever seen before.
“… My heart can talk?” he whispered to her in exasperation.
“Haha… you know what I mean.” She laughed.
Clearly, he did not. But he did know that he must make a decision nonetheless.
“Okay.” He answered.
“So you will spend tonight with me?” Maria said hopefully.
Jack stared at the beautiful girl before him and held her hand gently. “Nope, I have to go. Bye.” He ran off.
Maria was left alone, stunned and depressed.

Intermission

Jack arrived at his destination and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. This was one of the scariest and most embarrassing moments of his life, and he couldn’t have felt any more awkward about it. But alas, it had to be done.
KNOCK KNOCK!
A pink haired woman answered the door and asked what his business was.
“Is Nina here?” Jack asked softly.
A moment later, Nina showed up in the doorway, looking as pretty as ever.
“Oh, Jack, I knew you’d come! I just knew it! You’ve come to ask me to the starlight festival with you!” Nina hugged him tightly.
“Um, actually, you’re good with directions… and I forget where Eve lives. Can you show me?”

Yeer:1 Munth: 4 Day: 24
Deer muther and fother 2day I met a bootifl womin from heven and all most got mareed 2 her. Then I went to the festvl with eve after giting slaped bi neena reelee hard. I donnt no y she wuz mad but o wel. I also sacrfised a preest, just lik I always told yoo I wood.

THE END

(I had fun writing this one! Bet you all thought I was neglecting the harvest goddess, hahaha! Anyways, this ought to be appreciated after the horrible travesty that was episode eight!)

[LC]

XD.....Stupid Jack...

[melody]

sbester said:

Jack stared at the beautiful girl before him and held her hand gently. “Nope, I have to go. Bye.” He ran off.

.......XD

I didn't see that coming, haha.

This is very good! I love it.

[sbester]

EPISODE TEN: YEAR END



Jack’s first year with his new community had come to a close. It left him feeling very accomplished, although he was still dead broke, and had not upgraded the farm at all yet. He still had a full year and a half left in the small town until his father came back to inspect the property and decide whether Jack was fit to stay.
Gathering at the summit, the townspeople celebrated New Year’s Day together with laughing and chatting. Eve stayed very close to Jack the entire time, for they were officially now a couple. It was not easy for the other girls to see, but in time they would learn to accept it.
The mayor stood up and announced that he had prepared a speech.
“I am so proud of you all for another wonderful year. It is my pleasure to announce that in all of my years of being mayor, this is by far the most rewarding. My daughter, Maria is practicing to become a nun, so I would like us all to join together and wish her a wonderful year away. It is unfortunate that I must tell you that we have still not been able to find the priest, we must all assume that he has gone to a better place.”
Jack turned to Eve, “I don’t think it’s all THAT great of a place.”
“This year has had its ups and downs,” the mayor continued. “We lost a few great people. The first being Eve’s wonderful grandfather, who was pronounced insane and then somehow escaped from the mental institution, never to be heard from again. We lost the carpenter to a similar case. The priest, as I mentioned. But we also gained a special addition to the village from the death of a beloved old farmer. Farmer John was a very special man and will always be remembered in our hearts, but now we have his wonderful grandson, Jack! Jack, stand up and take a bow!” the crowd cheered.
Jack bowed gallantly. He felt very uncomfortable at the moment, knowing that it was his fault that three of those four named men were gone. Eve held his hand warmly, proud of him for his year’s work.
“A productive fellow, indeed.” The mayor smiled. “How much money have you raised this year, Jack?”
“Raised where?” Jack’s response was met with laughter. He looked around, unable to understand why they were laughing at him.
“Always the joker.” The mayor said proudly. “I’m sure that soon he will have enough money and resources to upgrade the farm not once, but twice! I bet the lad is saving up for the biggest and the best right now, isn’t that right, Jack?”
“What is this? An interrogation?” Jack cried outraged. They all laughed again. Eve had taught him that word when she said he asks too many questions.
“Hahaha,” the mayor made sure his laugh was louder than the rest. “As a token of our appreciation, we all chipped in to buy you a bit of livestock.” The mayor smiled and turned away to grab a chicken from his wife’s arms.
Jack ran to retrieve his gift, happy as could be. He finally had a chicken, and all he had to do was defend himself publicly. The chicken could see it in Jack’s eyes, this boy was insane, and wanted the poor animal dead. It moved about wildly trying to get away, but Jack gripped the bird hard and proudly made his way back to where Eve was standing.
“Ah, yes.” The mayor was glad to see how happy the gift made the boy. “Perhaps now you can get into the livestock business, I’m sure you have what it takes.” Jack glared at him for this comment.

Intermission

The festival had been a success, and Jack took the chick home with him, excited at the thought of lopping its head off. Eve kissed him on the cheek and was on her way to her own home.
Jack set the animal on the ground and went to get his axe from the tool shed. When he came back outside, the chicken could be seen running away halfway down the fields.
“Stupid chicken!” Jack yelled and quickly began to chase after it. Ruff followed close behind, barking uncontrollably. The axe was heavy and it made it hard to run. Eventually, Jack was forced to drop it and run after the chicken free handed. The chicken was extremely fast, and it knew that if it surrendered that it would not live to regret it.
Jack was catching up to it, running easily through the open fields.
“After it, Ruff!” Jack pointed at the chicken up ahead of them. The dog’s attention had finally caught the bird, and he was now chasing quickly after it at blinding speeds. In seconds, the defenseless chicken had been caught.
It bawked loudly as Jack got hold of it and took it back to where he’d dropped his axe.
“It’s nothing against you, really. You’re just smaller than me and taste really go so I have to kill you.” Jack tried to explain. Picking up the axe, Jack walked back to the tool shed where he shut the door behind him. He set the chicken down on the work table and readied his axe.
This was the end for the chicken, there was no getting away now. It simply looked into the eyes of its destroyer and accepted its fate. Jack began the swing…
Jack couldn’t finish.
“Why can’t I do this?” Jack wondered as he looked back into the sad chicken’s eyes. “I smashed an elf-like thingy who wanted to be my friend easily… why can’t I kill this stupid pathetic animal?” Jack attempted to put the axe down, but couldn’t do that either.
Looking back, he realized that the axe had gotten stuck in the wall behind him when he went to swing.
“Oh! That’s why!” Jack laughed as he began to tug at the axe. The chicken went ballistic once more and ran about the enclosed room crazily. It wasn’t morals that was stopping Jack from killing, it was just a wall.
Finally the axe cam free and Jack chased the animal around the shed, swinging like a mad man. Ruff watched in confusion, wondering what was happening.
The chicken ran under the work table and caught its breath. Jack began to hack at the table’s legs in an attempt to crush it.
When the first leg broke off, the chicken panicked and ran out again. Jack went on the rampage once more, while Ruff clawed at the door to get away from the madness.
“Die, chicken!” Jack was finally able to hack the head off of the poor animal. But then, something happened that Jack never expected. The headless chicken was still running about crazily!
It took a few seconds to register, but then Jack realized what was happening. This chicken was indestructible!
“Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!” Jack screamed in terror as he ran for the door and continued the scramble to his home.
Jack and Ruff stayed hidden in his house, afraid that the headless chicken would knock on the door any moment and claim its revenge.
KNOCK KNOCK!
Jack jumped. Slowly he walked toward the door and turned the knob. When the door opened, the friendly face of Ann could be seen.
“Hello?” Jack only kept the door open a crack.
“Hi, Jack. I was just coming over to instruct you on how to get the chicken to lay eggs. Lina was my father’s favorite chicken and he felt that she would be more comfortable on a farm” Ann explained.
Aha! Jack thought to himself. His favorite chicken, he must have placed a curse on it in case anything bad should happen to it.
“Um, I’m busy.” Jack said.
“Oh, it won’t take very long, I promise.” She pressed.
“I think it’s a little mad at me right now.” Jack replied.
“Why? What did you do?”
“Um… nothing.” Jack lied.
“Well then did Lina do something to you?”
“… It just kinda, lost its head for a moment, that’s all.” Jack explained.
“Yeah, Lina can tend to go crazy at times. I can show you how to deal with her and calm her down too.” Ann smiled happily.
“You can make it not want to kill me?” Jack opened the door a little more.
“Yep.”
Jack opened the door and slowly came back outside. He agreed to let her calm the chicken down. Together they walked over to the tool shed and opened the door. The chicken was lying in two pieces on the floor, side by side.
“Oh no!” Ann cried.
Jack couldn’t understand what had happened. A few moments ago the headless chicken was still running around aimlessly.
Ann then noticed the broken work table.
“Jack, do you keep that axe on your work table usually?” Ann asked suspiciously.
“Yes…” Jack expected her to lecture him and go home and tell her father what a horrible person he was.
“It looks like the leg gave out and the axe fell on poor Lina. Ooh, the poor thing. How could this have happened?”
Jack looked at her, astounded. “Yes!”
“Aw, I’ll go tell father what happened. Maybe I can get you a new one, but in the meantime… fix that table!”
“I will do that!” Jack responded. Ann left, and Jack was left staring at the corpse of the broken chicken.
Ruff entered to join his master in his contemplation. Would this chicken suddenly come alive again now that the girl was gone. Cautiously, Jack walked out of the tool shed and ran in fright back to his house, leaving his dog confused once again.

Intermission

Ann returned a few minutes later with another chicken, Tanya. They sat down and Ann showed Jack how too keep the animal calm, and instructed him on the do’s and don’ts.
Ann left and Jack was left alone with his new pet. “Don’t worry, Tanya, I won’t chop your head off like I did to Lina.” He stroked her feathers.
Walking back into the tool shed with Tanya in his arms, he decided that it was time he learned to fix a work table. Jack used a hammer and nailed the leg back onto it as best as he could. The nails were sticking out everywhere, but there seemed to be enough that it would be sturdy on its own.
Admiring his work, Jack patted himself on the back. He looked down at the chicken to his side and said, “Okay, lets get you into your pen.”
As Jack turned to walk away, he heard a slam behind him. He turned back only to see that the leg had been too loose, and the table had fallen once again… on top of Tanya.
“Good thing Ruff isn’t in here.”

Yeer: 2 Munth: 1 Day: 1
I had chikkin fer dinr. It wuz good. I maid it throo mi ferst yeer in taoon and I no that yoo will both be happee win yoo com 2 see mee in… a long tiim.
P.S. Eev luvs mee!

THE END

(The next episode will see the return of a very popular character!)

[LC]

I love daily updates! XD

>_> make him do something right for once though

[melody]

luigicrowd said:

>_> make him do something right for once though

Then it wouldn't be funny.

Great job! Haha

Poor chickens. XD

[sbester]

EPISODE ELEVEN: PROPOSAL



It was a hot summer day, and Jack was visiting the mayor and his wife at their lovely mansion. Many issues were discussed wholly as Jack either agreed with head nods or disagreed with death threats, all the while, not understanding a word of what was being said. It was during these ramblings that the subject of marriage came up, catching the poor young farmer off his guard.
“And speaking of such happy things, I must admit that there is something that has been on my mind for quite some time.” The mayor smiled. “It seems that you and the young waitress have become quite the item, Jack. When should we expect the two of you to be married?”
Jack stared, unable to think of what to say. “Um…”
“It is now that time in the young villagers’ lives that they must start thinking about such things. Our daughter has gone off to become a nun, and Nina is moving soon go to meet a nice bachelor in the next town over. I’m sure that Eve is awaiting your proposal, Jack.”
“But I’m only (bleep) years old!” Jack whined.
“That is just the age we were when we tied the knot.” The mayor’s wife smiled at her husband.
“…What knot?” Jack was getting angry. Both hosts laughed at this.
“It is customary that in our village, the male must buy a blue feather from the peddler and give it to the one he wishes to marry.” The mayor explained.
Jack hissed like a cat at the sound of his name. The peddler was Jack’s most hated enemy, and he would stop at nothing to ruin him. But now it seemed that Jack was in need of something in the peddler’s possession.
“It’s quite the costly item, I must warn you. Do you have 5000 gold tucked away somewhere? Oh, what am I saying? Ofcourse you do! Shipping all the things you have been over the last year and a half, you must be rich!” the mayor squabbled.
Jack was 10 gold rich, not 5000 gold rich. He was going to have to find a way to get the money he needed fast or else face the consequences.
“So, anyways…” the mayor was interrupted when Jack ran out of the house.
“He certainly doesn’t waste his time, does he?”

Intermission

Jack was on his way back to his farm when a familiar cloud of smoke suddenly circled its way around him.
“Hahahahaha! Hello, Jack! Nice to see you again!” a voice laughed as a shadowy figure appeared from the myst.
“Riddler!” Jack accused.
“PEDDLER!” the peddler screamed in fury.
“What do you want?” Jack got down to business.
“I know you are in need of something valuable, and I just happen to have one for sale. It is just too bad that you’ll never be able to afford it! Hahahahaha!”
Jack was about to agree, but then he decided it was a joke at his own expense. Feeling there was nothing more he could do, he continued his walk home. The peddler laughed and laughed as the cloud of smoke swept him away into the pit of Jack’s mind, taunting him.
When Jack got home, Eve was waiting for him.
“Hi, Jack! I was just feeling a little lonely now that Nina is gone, wanted to know what you’re up to today?”
“I’m going to make 5000 gold.” Jack stated firmly.
Eve stared hard at him. She had been dating the buffoon for nearly two seasons, and she still had no idea what went on inside his mind. “Um, how are you going to do that?”
“I don’t know.” Jack sat down on the spot to think.
“Well what do you need the money for anyways?”
“I can’t tell you or you might tie the feather without me.” Jack crossed his arms.
Eve cocked an eyebrow at this. “Most of your jokes go right over my head. I’ll be at home if you need me.” she turned to walk away. Jack stood up to watch as she left, but he could see nothing overtop her head.
There was no way he could manage to earn 5000 gold, and he knew it. It was because the situation involved the peddler that Jack realized there was only one solution to this problem. He had to defeat the peddler once and for all, and there was only one person her knew could do it.
Opening his drawer, Jack pulled out his small mask and long red cape. It was time for Farm Boy to make another appearance. Quickly, he put the costume on and ran out the door as fast as he could.
“Farm Boy to the rescue!” he yelled, noticing only too late that Eve had come back.
“Um, what are you doing?”
Jack stared at her, embarrassed as could be. “I’m… going to go defeat the peddler.” He admitted.
She studied him for a moment. “Jack? Is that you under that small mask?” she hadn’t figured him out yet.
“No. I’m behind it.” He corrected her.
“Why are you going to fight the peddler?” she was not going to condone his violence.
“Because… I have to buy something… but I don’t have enough money to buy it.” He watered down the truth.
“You’re going to rob him?!” Eve yelled in exasperation.
“No!!! I’m going to… destroy him… then take what isn’t his anymore.” Jack tried to calm her down.
Eve didn’t know what to say to this. Perhaps he was lying, perhaps he was drunk?
“Jack, have you been drinking?”
“And eating.”
“Ugh! Jack, go back to the house and get some sleep. I’m going home. I don’t know if we can continue to see each other if this is how you’re going to act. I need some time to think it over.” She left, more disappointed in him than she’d ever been.
“Phew, that was a close one.” Jack sighed in relief.
On he walked towards town to find his arch enemy, but he could find him anywhere. It then occurred to him that he had no weapon, and that could prove very dangerous. Walking down the street, he decided to stop in on Ann, the inventer.
“Hi, ugly girl.” Jack greeted the friendly face when the door opened.
“Hmm?” came the confused reply.
“I need a weapon, one that can kill all evil things!” Jack explained to her.
“Um… I don’t condone weapons, but I don’t condone evil anymore. Perhaps you were looking for my daughter, Ann?” Ann’s father asked.
Jack stared hard at him, “Sorry, you look alike.”
“Uh… right, I guess.” Ann’s father said awkwardly and then summoned his daughter.
“Hi, Jack. What’s up?” Ann asked.
Not me, you’re hideous! He thought to himself. “Well, the sky is up out here and the ceiling is…”
“Oh, Jack you’re so funny.” Ann laughed.
“I’m Farm Boy!” he corrected loudly. “I hafta fight the peddler. He made me tell the truth to Eve about something and now I think she is mad at me and I’m afraid he might have a weapon to kill me back with and then take his thingy he is selling and…”
“Wait, wait! Slow down!” Ann tried to calm him down. “You need me to make you a weapon so that you can fight the peddler?”
“Yes.”
“And you said Eve is mad at you?” she smiled widely.
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’ll help you if you really want me to. But why on earth do you want my help?”
“Because I also wanted a sandwich.” Farm Boy admitted.
Ann was furious at this comment and slammed the door in his face.
“You forgot to let me in!” Farm Boy called. “Okay, I’ll just wait out here while you make it… sandwich first, please!”
Farm Boy waited and waited, but Ann did not come back outside. It was soon going to be dark and he had not yet managed to find the evil peddler, but off in the distance he saw a cloud of smoke and began to run towards it.
“I have found you!” Farm Boy yelled.
“No, Farm Boy! ‘Tis I, that have found you!” the peddler appeared.
“No, I found you!”
“No, I found you!”
“I found you infinity!” Farm Boy yelled.
“I found you infinity plus 1!” peddler raged.
“You can’t do that!”
“Yes, I can! No rulesies!”
Farm Boy punched the peddler in the face hard.
The peddler fell down and started crying. “You didn’t have to do that!”
“I’m sorry.” Farm Boy apologized. “I really need that blue thingy, otherwise Eve will still be mad at me.”
“You can’t ask her to marry you everytime you get in an argument!” the peddler whined.
Farm Boy thought about this carefully. He sat down with the peddler to talk. “Okay, I’ll make a deal with you.”
“What?” the peddler asked.
“I’ll give you Ruff again for the doohickey.” Farm Boy took off his mask.
“You really love that girl, don’t you?”
Jack considered his words carefully, “Not really, she’s just pretty.”
The peddler didn’t know what to say. “I… can’t do that.”
“Okay, how about this: if you don’t give it to me, I’ll punch you again!” Jack held out his fist.
“Fine! Fine! Meanie!” the peddler reached into his sack and took out a blue feather.
Jack had defeated the peddler once again, and now he could go propose to the girl that he thought was really, really pretty!

Intermission

It took him two hours, but Jack finally remembered where Eve lived. She answered the door in her nightgown with an angered expression on her face.
“What do you want, Jack? I told you I didn’t want to see you right now.”
Jack held out the blue feather to her, not being able to say the words he wanted to.
“J…Jack, this is… are you serious?”
Jack was pretty sure hadn’t said anything just now, but he nodded anyhow.
“Oh, Jack!!!! You moron! You don’t propose during an argument! And you probably beat up that poor retarded peddler to get it, didn’t you?!” Rrrgh!” Eve slammed the door in his face.
“Are you making me a sandwich?” Jack said into the door.
The door opened once more and Eve grabbed the blue feather from his hand before slamming the door once more.
“Was that a yes to the sandwich or yes to marrying me?!” he yelled.
Feeling that he shouldn’t push his luck any more, he walked home.
“How did it go?” the peddler suddenly appeared out of the darkness, sincere in his words.
“I think I need another one.”

Yeer: 2 Munth: 3 Day: 8
I beeted the pedlr aggen! And I assd eev 2 marree mee. I think she sed no. I im going 2 go mak a sanwitch.

THE END

(Another not so great episode, sorry. It was a story that had to be told, though! And just in case you are wondering, Eve accepted the very next day!)

[sbester]

EPISODE TWELVE: FARM BOY!



Jack had settled in for a quiet evening by himself one night when Eve had gone to visit some friends in the next town over. The half retarded laborer had spent most of the day sulking over a lack of things to keep preoccupied with, and now he was at his brink of boredom. A sudden knock at the door startled him, but he was excited at the thought that perhaps Eve had come back early… which would have been a whole week early.
Opening the door, he was surprised and actually a little pissed off to see that the visitor was none other than his greatest enemy in the village, the peddler. Realizing that he had nothing to say to him, he slammed the door in his face.
The peddler knocked once more. Feeling aggravated, Jack opened the door once more and asked what the peddler wanted.
“I mean no harm this time, really! I swear!” the peddler pleaded.
Jack studied his face hard, knowing well that this man liked to lie.
“I need your help.” The peddler said quickly. “I really do! The hawker has come back to town and I am in desperate need of something in his possession!”
“Why are you asking me?” Jack whined.
“Because, you are any peddler’s nightmare, and if anyone can stand a chance of outwitting the hawker, it is you or I. And if we are to join forces then there will be no telling what we can do!” the peddler laughed evilly.
Jack considered his proposition. It seemed as though the peddler was concocting some sort of evil scheme against a poor innocent man by the way he said “join forces”, but Jack liked the idea of being all powerful. He was bored out of his mind anyways.
“Okay!”
“Yes! Haha! The magical bean shall be mine at last!” the peddler danced gaily. “Okay, the hawker has the magic bean in his possession and it is our mission to get it from him by any means possible.”
“Why?”
Because it is a very important item and I have been searching for it for a very long time. And the hawker is my greatest enemy.”
Jack was offended that he had not proven to be the peddler’s match, “Why?”
“Erm, because it is magic.”
“Why?”
The peddler was getting angry. “Oh, fine! If you must know, the bean has the power to grow into a beanstalk, and I want to climb it!”
“Why?” Jack was still confused.
“Because it will grow all the way up to the clouds and I want to know what it leads to.”
“Why?”
“Because I may find treasure, you imbecile!”
Jack slammed the door once again. Why on earth should he be insulted for asking a simple question…or two?
Knock Knock!
“Jack! I am willing to offer you a great sum of money… enough to provide for your fiancée and perhaps even save the farm! That IS what you are supposed to be doing while you’re in town is it not?”
Jack slowly opened the door.
“I can’t hear you when the door is closed.” He explained.

Intermission

Jack was very interested in the peddler’s proposition now that money had been added to the deal, 10,000 gold to be exact. Jack was not smart enough to know it, but that would be more than he needed to upgrade the farm to its fullest potential and provide for an entire family for the next two years at least.
The two had agreed to meet later in the evening when all the townsfolk had gone to sleep in their warm homes to discuss what had to be done. By the time Jack had made his way to town square in his silly superhero costume, it was dark and cold outside.
“Jack.” A voice came from behind him.
“I only answer to Farm Boy!” he refused to turn around.
“…Farm Boy.”
“Present!” Farm Boy turned around to greet the peddler, but it wasn’t the peddler at all. It was the hawker.
“Hello, Farm Boy. I have heard many tales of how you foiled that terrible peddler in town, and I have been waiting a long time to meet you. But alas, it seems you have now joined his ranks as his sidekick.” The hawker was a strange and ugly man.
“I’m not his sidekick! He’s mine!” Farm Boy announced angrily.
“Ah, but that is just not true. Are you not helping him on a cause that you care nothing for yourself?”
“English, please.” Farm Boy was serious.
“You don’t care about the beanstalk.” The hawker explained.
This was true, and Jack would have agreed had it not been for the money involved.
“You see,” the hawker explained. “I cannot allow you to take the magic bean from me if you are using it to help that fiend, the peddler.”
“I’m not.” Farm Boy lied.
“Hahaha, I wish that were true. Unfortunately, I still cannot make a deal with you.” The hawker began to walk away.
“What if I want it for myself? What would that cost?”
The hawker stopped in his tracks and thought it over.
“Hmm. Well, it would not cost you any money at all. I would trade it for a cow.”
Jack had never had a cow in his entire time being in town, and there was most likely no way he could ever get one now either.
“I can get that.” He lied once more.
“Then you must promise that you will not give the bean to the peddler, ever.” The hawker smiled to himself.
“Okay.”
“Alright then, Farm Boy. You have until the end of the night, and then I must go on to the next town.” And with that, the hawker disappeared.
Then, out of the darkness walked the peddler.
“Dude! What the hell?” the peddler was mad.
“What?”
“I totally just saw you make a deal with the hawker to never give me the bean!” the peddler accused.
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did! I saw you! He even looked me in the eyes and laughed as you made the deal!”
“Why?”
The peddler was about to explode with rage, but then he suddenly calmed himself. “Ah, I understand. You were telling a lie!”
“Yes!” Jack agreed.
“I like the way you think.”
“I like the way YOU think.” Jack was not lying now.
“Okay, so we need a cow, correct?” the peddler went on with the plan.
“Why?”
“Isn’t that what the hawker said he wanted?”
“Yes.” Jack remembered.
“Okay, so we need to give him a cow.”
“Why?”
“…Because he wants one, I suppose.”
“Why?”
“Jack!!!!!!!!!!!” the peddler was getting extremely frustrated.
Jack turned away.
“Jack, wait. I’m sorry I screamed at you, please don’t give me the silent treatment.” The peddler apologized.
Jack stayed facing away from his partner, but wondered just what the silent treatment would be like.
“Jack, please do not be mad at me. I am truly sorry for yelling.”
“It’s not that.” He admitted.
“Then what is it that I have done to upset you?” the peddler asked.
“Nothing.”
The peddler did not know what to say to this. This was like arguing with your wife. He considered yelling to get an answer, but that would just not do. “Huh?”
“I didn’t say anything.” Jack insisted.
“You said ‘nothing’”
“Nothing isn’t anything, stupid!” Jack corrected him arrogantly.
“I meant… Rrrrgh! Jack, turn around.”
Still, the boy refused to move an inch.
“What must I do to get you to face me?!”
“I don’t answer to Jack, only Farm Boy.”
“Oh, for crying out loud! Farm Boy! Turn around!” the peddler yelled and Jack complied. “I own a cow that I have been dying to sell, the magical bean is as good as mine!”
“Ours.” Jack corrected.
“Um, no. You get the 10,000 gold and I get the bean.”
“No fair! I wanted both.” Farm Boy pouted.
“Whatever. Lets go get that cow!”
So the two raced off to get “Bessy” the cow, and trade her for the magical bean.
“Now, Jack, I cannot be anywhere near you when you make the transaction…”
“Tran-what?”
“Trade.” The peddler blinked hard. “I am going to go inform him that I am leaving the town tonight, and he shall think that our deal is off. I shall reside outside of town until morning and then I will stop by the farm to pick up the magic bean.” And with that, he handed Bessy’s rope leash off to Farm Boy and departed.
Farm Boy walked the streets for many minutes until the hawker finally appeared.
“Aha! It appears that your friend, the peddler, has decided to leave town. It seems you are truly after the bean yourself.” The hawker smiled and handed the magical bean to Farm Boy. “And what is this fine animal’s name?”
“Cow.” Farm Boy guessed.
“Hmm, I shall call her ‘Bessy’”
“Oh yeah, that too.” Farm Boy said and was off.
“What a strange young lad, poor soul. He won’t last the night.”

Intermission

Jack arrived at home with the magical bean and put it on his dresser. He was about to go to bed when his curiosity got the best of him, as we all knew it would.
He planted the beanstalk behind the toolshed, and went to bed.

Yeer: 2 Munth: 4 Day: 12
I finely dissided too plant sumthing! O and mee and the pedlr arr best frenz naoo.

In the morning, Jack ran outside to see that the magical bean he had planted the night before had grown into an amazingly gigantic beanstalk, just as the peddler had predicted. The peddler had not made his way to the farm yet, so Jack took it upon himself to climb it before his arrival, just to make sure he was getting the better end of the deal. And as he was about to climb it, he saw that some regular beans had grown around the beanstalk as well, so he could now eat those for supper! He picked a few and put them into his pocket, in case it was a long journey back.
It took a while, but Jack finally reached the top of the plant and was now walking on clouds. Ahead of him was a gigantic castle, which he stupidly decided to enter without caution.
The castle was not of a regular human’s size, and Jack had to crawl through a crack in the wall to enter the structure. He explored as best he could, but could not find anything of value… except for a beautiful golden harp on top of a tall table.
Jack tried to use his magic Farm Boy flying powers, but they didn’t work without his mask and cape.
“Hello!!!!?” Jack yelled up, not quite expecting an answer.
“Go back!” came a woman’s whisper from atop the table.
“What?” Jack looked harder at the harp, and realized that there was a golden woman attached to it.
“I said go back!” she whispered a little louder.
“Why?!” Jack yelled back.
“He’ll hear you!” she whispered again.
“I can’t hear you!” Jack yelled louder.
Just then, loud footsteps could be heard coming from the next room and a giant emerged from the door between them.
“FEE, FIE, FOE, FUM! I SMELL THE ODOR OF A MIDGET’S BUM!” the giant looked angry.
“That’s ‘cause I farted!” Jack hollered up.
“YOU!” the giant pointed at Jack.
“Yep.” Jack confirmed.
“YOU WILL BE MY DINNER!” the giant began to chase after Jack. With each thundering footstep, the ground shook beneath them.
Jack ran as fast as he could away from the giant, but he soon realized that the giant was too fast for him. Luckily, the crack in the door was a short cut outside onto the clouds and the giant would have to use the front door.
As Jack crawled through his escape hole, he thought hard about what could be done to stop the giant from coming down the beanstalk and destroying his home. The he remembered that he had left his axe outside right beside the beanstalk, and that he would have to cut it down.
Jack slid down the beanstalk as quickly as he could while the giant fumbled to climb down it. When Jack reached the bottom, he began to hack away at the plant as fast as he could cut.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” the giant began to feel the vibrations.
“I can’t hear you when you’re way up there!” Jack yelled up as he continued to hack away.
“WHAT?!”
With that, the beanstalk fell, and the giant along with it.
THUMP!
The giant lay down dead on top of the beanstalk, and Jack thanked his faithful axe with a kiss.
Ruff raced outside to see what all the commotion was, and upon seeing the dead giant, he began to bark uncontrollably.
Just then, the peddler had finally appeared and he stared at the giant in amazement.
“Jack?” he could barely speak. “Wha… what happened?”
Jack pulled out a regular bean from his pocket.
“I think it’s a dud.”

THE END

(The whole “Jack and the Beanstalk” thing was bound to be done by someone, especially when they put the damned thing in the game!)

[LC]

O.o Nice ;D


Can I get the gold? =D

[sbester]

EPISODE THIRTEEN: WEDDING DAY



The special day had finally arrived, and Jack could not have been more excited. All the preparations had been made, and all the guests were happily awaiting the grand event. Jack sat at home by himself as Eve snuggled into her wedding gown, all the townswomen with her for support.
A knock came at Jack’s door as he eagerly opened it. It was the mayor.
“Jack! My dear boy! The day has finally arrived!”
“I know!” Jack could barely contain his excitement.
“Ah, I can’t wait! But we must hurry, Jack. Everyone is already on their way to the church!”
“…Church?” Jack was surprised to hear this terrible word on such an extraordinary day. What were the people gathering at the church for? Did this event not take place on the summit?
“Hahaha, of course! Where did you think you would get married?” the mayor laughed.
Jack was shocked, “Married?!”
“Yes, married! What is the matter, Jack? You suddenly look very pale.”
In fact, it was Spring the 1st, and Jack was eager to meet at the summit for the New Year’s day festival.
“… New Years!” Jack was almost in tears.
“Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course we’ll still celebrate that. But that can be celebrated along with the wedding after the great event has occurred.” The mayor confirmed.
“Phew.” Jack sighed.
“At the church.” The mayor finished.
“WHAT!!!!” Jack was appalled at this thought.
“Well, Jack, a marriage only comes once in a person’s lifetime and it is far more important than some silly festival.”
“No!” Jack yelled.
“Jack, you made the date with Eve yourselves. What could possibly be more important than this?”
“I want my chicken!” Jack slammed the door in the mayor’s face.
“Jack? Jack! Please come out, Jack!” the mayor called. “You wouldn’t want to leave Eve alone at the altar!”
“Churches suck!”
“Oh, listen to reason, Jack! The day will be even better than a New Years Festival! You are going to marry the love of your life!” the mayor continued to call. It was then that he decided that something had to be done to get this boy out of his home.

Dear Mother and Father,
The day has finally arrived! I am to be married to Jack. My life has found its path, and it is all because of him. I wish you were still here to meet him, he really is the most wonderful man I have ever met and I’m sure you would agree. I miss you terribly, and I will continue to lay flowers on your gravestones every day.
Sincerely,
Eve.

Intermission

The mayor made his way to the pub where Eve and several of the townswomen were prepping her for the coming event.
“Pssst!” the mayor had snuck into the pub and was calling the attention of his wife.
“What is it, dear?” the woman turned to her husband suspiciously.
“We have a… slight situation.” The mayor whispered.
“Oh, don’t tell me Jack is getting cold feet…” she panicked.
“Not quite. He is upset that the New Year’s Festival has been cancelled.”
“We mustn’t tell Eve! Someone has to get that boy out of his house and into the church immediately!”
“Yes, but who?” the mayor pondered.
The mayor and his wife talked a while longer before decided what coarse of action should be taken. In the end, it was evident that getting Jack to come out of his house was not going to happen unless the festival was held. It would take some quick planning, but the mayor would have to do what he could to make it happen.
The townspeople were surprised to hear about the sudden change of plans, but the idea was accepted and Eve assured them that she had no problem with it, although that was a complete lie.
At noon, everyone had gathered together at the summit and the New Years festival was ready to begin.
“We gather here today for yet another New Years festival and… oh, bloody hell! Where in God’s green earth is Jack?!” the mayor had failed to begin as planned.
The townspeople looked around to try and find the farmer boy, but he was nowhere to be seen.
“He said he would be right here… I don’t know what happened.” The mayor’s wife spoke aloud.
“Perhaps he’s preparing for the big day!” the bartender interjected.
“No, no, no! He should be here now!” the mayor tried to sort it out in his head.
“I can go to his farm and see what is keeping him.” Nina’s mother volunteered.
“No, I’ll go. I can run really fast!” Ann was off in a flash.
While the townspeople waited impatiently, Jack sat at home comfortably on his bed. The knock came at the door and he eagerly ran to open it.
“Hey, Jack.” Ann greeted.
SLAM!
“Jack?” Ann was confused by the rude salutation.
“Go away, ugly girl!” Jack called.
“I can’t hear you! Open the door!”
Jack opened the door and gave her an evil stare, “What do you want?”
“Everyone’s waiting at the summit for you! We’re gonna have the New Years festival before the wedding!” she explained. Jack had already heard this news.
“I can’t go.”
“What? But why not?”
“I’m getting married today, idiot!” Jack yelled.
“But… the mayor said you would be okay if we changed things around.”
Jack thought about this for a moment. What she said had been true, but it did not make it moral, and that was where Jack was torn.
“It really isn’t fair to Eve if I get a chicken and she gets nothing.”
“What? A chicken…?” Ann was confused now.
“Tell them I can’t come.” Jack slammed the door again.
“Jack! Please come back out! We all want you to be there and to honor everyone’s hard work during the year!”
Jack considered this thought. He had, afterall, become rich over the whole magic bean ordeal, and perhaps people would acknowledge his efforts. He opened the door and started walking to the summit without even a word to Ann.
The two reached the summit and everyone was glad to see them.
The mayor began his speech once more, “ I welcome you all and thank you for such a wonderful year. It is with great pleasure…”
“Where’s Eve?” Jack interrupted.
“She’s getting ready.” The mayor answered.
“For what?”
“The wedding, you silly boy.”
“Oh… I can’t be here if she isn’t here too.” Jack crossed his arms.
“But… but why not?” the mayor was curious as ever.
“It isn’t right.” Jack snobbishly closed his eyes and walked away.
“Jack!” the mayor called after him. “You can’t see the bride before the wedding! It is bad luck!”
“I didn’t say anything about the bride, I said I wanted to see Eve.” Jack corrected him.
The townspeople stared in disbelief as Jack walked on back to his farm.
Jack was one very mixed up boy, but he only wanted what was best for Eve. Before he was totally out of their view, he called back for someone to deliver the chicken to his house later in the evening.
“… What chicken is he talking about?” the mayor was at a loss for words.

Intermission

The wedding was finally ready to take place, and Jack was dragged in on his hands and knees screaming that he hated church, but he was there.
The music sounded and Eve could now be seen making the walk across the carpeted floor.
“Eve!” Jack yelled in excitement and ran to give her a hug.
The crowd started to cry over the overwhelming gesture of love.
“What are you doing, Jack?” Eve whispered embarrassingly.
“They wouldn’t let me see you, I thought the mayor had taken you for himself.” He whispered back.
“What are you talking about? You were with the mayor all day!” she was getting angry.
“How dare you accuse me of cheating on you with the mayor!” Jack was offended.
“Jack, can we please just go on with this?” Eve shoved him lightly.
“So you admit there’s something going on!” Jack accused.
The ceremony finally continued and the priest said a bunch of meaningless stuff that put Jack to sleep… literally.
Eve kept elbowing him to wake him up, but he always seemed to fall back.
At one point, the priest asked Jack a question that he had not been awake to hear.
“No!” Jack answered. Everyone stared.
“You don’t?” the priest was shocked.
“Um… I mean yes!”
“I do!” Eve whispered.
“You do what?” Jack asked her.
“He does.” Eve confirmed with the priest awkwardly.
“Then by the power invested in me…”
“You have powers!?” Jack asked out loud.
“Uh… what?” the priest was caught offguard.
“You aren’t even the real priest!” Jack accused.
“That’s because the other one disappeared, remember?” Eve explained.
“Oh yeah! I threw him into another dimension.” Jack laughed to himself.
By this point the entire audience was confused, but they were sure that somehow Jack had to be making some sense… right?
“… I… now pronounce you husband and wife… you may kiss the bride.” The priest continued despite the nonsense.
The newlyweds kissed and they were on their way to their new lives, and everyone congratulated them. Jack was a married man, and he was filthy rich too. It was finally starting to look like things were going to turn out alright for the young farmer afterall.
“Perhaps we should start making a baby tonight.” Eve smiled eagerly as she whispered softly in her new husband’s ear.
“But I don’t even know where to order the parts!”

Yeer: 3 Munth: 1 Day: 1
I gott mareed 2day! They hidd the chikkin on me tho!

THE END

(Ah, this would be a happy ending… but there are still two more episodes to go! That’s plenty of time for Jack to screw it all up!)