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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 2, 2006 0:03:04 GMT -5
In Flower Bud Village all of the eligible girls and guys are taken. There is Dan and Nina. Eve and Ray. Katie and Kurt. Ellen and Joe. Louis and Gwen. Maria and Blue. Carl and Lyla. Basil and Gina. Bob and Ann. Dia and Alex. Even Jamie and a new girl Jean. They all were very happy and thought they were. But then, a young girl, and a childhood friend, make them realize how they really feel about on another.
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Chapter 1
Call me Coco
On a bright and early morning Blue and Ellen heard a horse running by and stop. Ellen was going to take Joe breakfast, and Blue was taking a book to Maria. Ellen peeked out the window and saw a girl get off the horse. She had very light brown hair. Her eyes were a hazel color. The girl was wearing a white skirt with a blue shirt. The mayor put a sign on the empty lot next to them that said “This land has been sold to Claire”.
Blue: “If she plans on getting a boyfriend, or even getting married, she’s out of luck by coming here”. Ellen: “Who knows? She’ll probably find someone with her looks.” Blue: “Nina is going to get so mad when Dan starts hitting on her”. Ellen: “I think I’ll go talk to her”. Blue: “Make sure you tell her everyone is taken and she has no luck with any of us”. Ellen: “Do you know how much that would hurt her if I told her that. If you want her to know that why don’t you go talk to her”. Blue: “Then never mind I said that…”. Ellen: “That’s what I thought!”
Claire: “Thank you mayor! I hope I can fit in with everyone. I will try hard to farm my best”. Theodore: I hope you have a great experience here in Flower Bud”. Then the mayor left. Ellen: “Hello, I’m Ellen. I see you are going to try farming. If you need anything for your horse, cows, sheep, and chickens, come to my dads store.” Claire: I’ll do that. Hi’ my name is Claire. You can also call me Coco. Can you show me around the village? This village looks very confusing. Ellen: Sure! Lets go, and if anyone bothers you, just let me know”.
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 2, 2006 0:05:06 GMT -5
does anyone like it?
i want to do short chapters so it doesnt take to long to get to the next one
or i have an idea to make this one an intro
then i will focus on one chapter for one couple
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on Jul 2, 2006 0:11:32 GMT -5
it's good!
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Post by moko on Jul 2, 2006 0:20:04 GMT -5
this seems like it'll be a good story. it has funky pairings right now, but that's cool. ^_^ but the pairings are going to change, right? at least that's the impression i got at the beginning note..... it'll be pretty cool if they do, cuz that's a lot of couples. i think this'll be pretty interesting.
but you might want to work on the way people talk. for example, instead of putting:
Blue: “If she plans on getting a boyfriend, or even getting married, she’s out of luck by coming here”. Ellen: “Who knows? She’ll probably find someone with her looks.” Blue: “Nina is going to get so mad when Dan starts hitting on her”. Ellen: “I think I’ll go talk to her”. Blue: “Make sure you tell her everyone is taken and she has no luck with any of us”. Ellen: “Do you know how much that would hurt her if I told her that. If you want her to know that why don’t you go talk to her”. Blue: “Then never mind I said that…”. Ellen: “That’s what I thought!”
you should put:
Blue: “If she plans on getting a boyfriend, or even getting married, she’s out of luck by coming here.”
Ellen: “Who knows? She’ll probably find someone with her looks.” Blue: “Nina is going to get so mad when Dan starts hitting on her.” Ellen: “I think I’ll go talk to her.”
Blue: “Make sure you tell her everyone is taken and she has no luck with any of us.”
Ellen: “Do you know how much that would hurt her if I told her that? If you want her to know that, why don’t you go talk to her?”
Blue: “Then never mind I said that…”
Ellen: “That’s what I thought!”
and you should work on puncuation, too. a few times you put periods instead of question marks. i fixed them on the conversation i edited above.
well, i hope you don't mind constructive criticism, cuz i just gave you some. but i seriously think you should continue the fic. so, please write the next chapter soon! ^_^
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 2, 2006 0:36:52 GMT -5
thanx
and im working on the next chapter
so it should be ready by tomorow
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 2, 2006 2:35:34 GMT -5
Chapter 2
Dan’s Big Surprise
“Hi Dan!” Nina shouted with joy. “You never lose your perkiness…” replied Dan. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Nina said angrily. “All I said was that you are always happy” Dan said. “Oh, well, do you want to come with me to the Café?” said Nina. “Not today, I have to water the saplings for Ronald” replied Dan. “Well, then I’m going, see you later!” and with that Nina left. “I wonder if Nina knows I lied to her? If she doesn’t, I’ll tell her in a week or so. I think I will go to the bar. Hopefully Eve is there!” Dan thought.
An hour later Dan arrived at the bar. He saw Blue, Ray, Gwen, and Eve. He went to sit down at the chair that was nearest to Eve. “What can I get for you?” said Eve with a notepad. “…huh, oh, just get me a grape soda” replied Dan. “Here you go, and I hope we can talk sometime…” Eve said and left to another customer. “Eve, are you flirting with Dan?!” said Ray with anger. “Why would you think that?!” yelled Eve. Though no one could hear her because of the music. “And what if I was? It would be none of your business anyway!” continued Eve. At the moment she said that, Ray left the bar.
Dan went to the room Eve was in to find her lying on the bed crying. “I’m sorry about what just happened between you and Ray…” said Dan. “He’s not your type anyway, he fishes way to much”. Eve didn’t say a word. Then Dan left to the bathroom. While he was washing his hands, he saw a diary lying next to the sink. “I wonder who this belongs to?” thought Dan. Dan knew he shouldn’t of read it, but he did anyway. He opened it up to a page that said:
Summer 7
The Bamboo Float
Ray asked me to sail a bamboo boat with him and I replied, yes. That night, I wished Dan would ask me to the Moonlight Festival. Ray said that he wished I would let him kiss me. We watched the boat sail away. Then we laid on the grass gazing at the stars. He said that the stars reminded him of me, beautiful and mysterious. He also said he loves me. The he turned over and tried to kiss me. I moved away and he moved closer, trying once more. I told him to stop, and he did. Then he took me home, and tried to give a goodnight kiss to me. I ran quickly inside the door. As I went to sleep, I wondered what Dan had wished, and hoped it was about me.
Dan was so surprised. Eve felt the same way about him! As he came out, Eve was standing right out the door. Dan worked up the courage to say, “Eve, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?” said Dan nervously. “I would love to!” yelled Eve with joy. “Um…then I’ll see you tomorrow?” “Yeah, at 7:30” said Dan and left.
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on Jul 2, 2006 3:45:10 GMT -5
Wow!!!
That was surprising! And very good!!!!!
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Post by moko on Jul 2, 2006 14:44:04 GMT -5
jeez, eve and dan shouldn't be going on a date when they're both dating someone else. tsk, tsk.
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on Jul 2, 2006 15:23:17 GMT -5
Actually, I think they're married  |
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Post by moko on Jul 2, 2006 17:17:59 GMT -5
Actually, I think they're married no, i think they're just dating. i'm pretty sure. |
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on Jul 2, 2006 18:01:27 GMT -5
In Flower Bud Village all of the eligible girls and guys are taken. There is Dan and Nina. Eve and Ray. Katie and Kurt. Ellen and Joe. Louis and Gwen. Maria and Blue. Carl and Lyla. Basil and Gina. Bob and Ann. Dia and Alex. Even Jamie and a new girl Jean. They all were very happy and thought they were. But then, a young girl, and a childhood friend, make them realize how they really feel about on another. That's why I got the idea they're all married. |
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Post by moko on Jul 2, 2006 20:55:09 GMT -5
In Flower Bud Village all of the eligible girls and guys are taken. There is Dan and Nina. Eve and Ray. Katie and Kurt. Ellen and Joe. Louis and Gwen. Maria and Blue. Carl and Lyla. Basil and Gina. Bob and Ann. Dia and Alex. Even Jamie and a new girl Jean. They all were very happy and thought they were. But then, a young girl, and a childhood friend, make them realize how they really feel about on another. That's why I got the idea they're all married. why? because they're "taken"? that just means that they're going out with someone, so they won't date you. plus, if they were married, they wouldn't be asking people out on dates. |
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 3, 2006 4:08:35 GMT -5
Chapter 3
No longer called
Dan and Nina
Gwen was Nina’s bets friend, and told her everything, including what happened at the bar that night. Gwen didn’t want nothing to happen, but she knew she didn’t want to see Nina get hurt.
The next day Gwen went to Seed Shop to talk to Nina. “Hello Gwen!” said Nina happily. “Nina, I have something to tell you about Dan” Gwen said. “What now, he was flirting with that new girl Claire, huh?!” said Nina angrily. “No, something worse…he kind of, asked Eve out on a date” said Gwen. “I knew he liked her more than me, I’m going to end this right now!” so angry, Nina almost started to get tears. “No! If you tell him or her, they are going to know I told you. Besides they know I’m the only one that could talk to you” said Gwen worried. “Eve also had a fight with Ray last night”.
“Really…and she said yes to Dan, how could he!“ Nina said crying. “Dan is going wish he never cheated on me, and I have kept an eye on Basil for a while.” “I think I should just leave him, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, today!” Nina ended and stormed off. “I hope she knows what she’s getting herself into. What if Dan doesn’t even care she wants to break up with him. But I know Nina. She’ll bounce back in a couple of days, and maybe even end up with Basil. That is if Basil dumps Gina, or she dumps him” thought Gwen, and left.
Nina was halfway to the orchard when she spotted Basil. She was nervous, so she kept walking. But then Basil yelled out “Hey Nina!” “Hello Basil, those are pretty blue mist flowers” Nina quoted. “Really…well I was going to give them to Gina, but, um…you can have them if you want” Basil said nervously. “Thank you! When I get home I will put them in a pretty vase. Bye!” Nina said. “Now I have made up my mind. I am definitely breaking up with Dan. Basil is so much sweeter and doesn’t flirt with al kinds of girls!” Nina thought and continued to the orchard.
Nina soon reached the orchard. “Dan, I need to talk to you” Nina said. “I need to tell you something Nina. I don’t think its going to work out between me and you. I’ve liked Eve for as long as I can remember, even before I was with you. I also now know that Eve is the perfect girl for me. Its not you its me. I should have told you a long time ago. I asked Eve out on a date yesterday and she said yes. I’m sorry Nina, but we can still be friends. Bye.” Dan ended and left to the bar.
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 3, 2006 4:10:41 GMT -5
i cant sleep cause at 4:00 i have to leave
so i think i will put up the next 2 chapters
lucky u
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Love is like a Flower
Guest
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Post by Love is like a Flower on Jul 3, 2006 4:16:33 GMT -5
Chapter 4
Then there was Jake
“Hello, Claire” said Ray. “Oh, hi Ray, what are you doing here?” said Claire with curiosity. “Just passing by” replied Ray. Although, Claire new why he was there. “What do you want?” asked Claire. “I wanted to know if you have plans tonight” said Ray.” “No, but I don’t want to do anything with you” said Claire, hoping to make him leave. Just at that moment a boy their age ran up to Ray.
“Hey Ray, its been so long since the last time I saw you!” said the boy. “Excuse me, but who are you?” said Ray. “Don’t you remember, its me, Jake” Jake said. “Oh! I haven’t seen you in years, how have you been?!” Ray said with joy. “Mind introducing me to your friend” said Jake. “Oh, this is Claire, she just bought a farm 2 days ago” said ray. “Wow! He is so cute. I wonder if he likes me. I may be single, but not for long.” thought Claire. “Hello Claire, I’m Jake” he said. “It is a pleasure meeting you” said Claire, still daydreaming. “No, the pleasure is mine” said Jake kissing her hand. “Oh great! He comes back after so many years, and flirts with the girl I like. It doesn’t matter I have Eve, and she is way prettier than Claire” thought Ray.
Soon after Ray left. “So, you own a farm to?” said Claire trying to start a conversation. “Yeah, by the beach, it has a great view. Say, um, do you want to go for a walk or something?” Jake said nervously. “I would love to” said Claire excitedly.
“The beach is so beautiful” said Claire amazed. “It is, isn’t it” agreed Jake. “I’m getting a little cold” Claire said shivering. “You can use my jacket” Jake said, giving the jacket to her. “Thank you…” she said with a low voice. So they continued to walk.
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[M:0]
