The Strange Transformation of Farmer Jack

[caspis]

Just a quick note... although this story takes place in Mineral Town you may find that many of the characters both say and do things that they never would in the actual game. Consider this an "alternate universe" Mineral Town. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone or if I seem to be insulting their favorite characters. It's all in good fun. #blinkey#


Chapter 1:

"Powers that be, bind us together..." the Witch Princess chanted, stretching her arms out.

A large metal cauldron sat at her feet and filled the cramped and cluttered space of the witches' home with a pungent, earthy aroma. Unnatural light glowed from her hands and reflected on the many strange objects lining the walls as she slowly reached out with her right hand and flipped to the next page of her spell book.

After three hours of preparation and intense concentration, the Witch Princess' powerful spell of Divination was nearly complete. Several bowls of herbs and powders sat empty at the small table to her left, and with the steady movements that years of practice granted her, the Witch Princess reached out with her left hand and grasped the final component; a bag of crushed mandrake root. The process of preparing and casting a complicated spell like this was exhausting, both mentally and physically, but soon her efforts would be rewarded.

"Let the essence of that which is lost come alive..." she continued, sprinkling the bag's contents into the steaming pot.

The thick, brown liquid that filled the cauldron began to bubble and pop as a new, acrid smell wafted up and filled the room. Her nose wrinkled in distaste but the momentary distraction quickly disappeared.

"Let the location become known, and that knowledge become mine." the chant continued.

The cauldron's contents began to swirl and change color to a deep green, indicating that the magical energies were stabilizing and nearly ready to release. A steady breeze began to blow around the room and dust began to blow into the witches' face. Her eyes grew wide in panic as a sneeze began to well up from deep within her sinuses. There was no time to curse her decision to hold off on dusting until the weekend; she had to finish the spell... and fast.

"Open my eyes to th- your presence..." she stammered. The swirling began to speed up and a cold thrill shot through her body as she realized that it was too late; the spell was a failure. With the spell ruined there was only one thing left to do; finish the incantation and cancel it's effects before the energies ran out of control.

"...and rejoin this world." she said quickly. The dark green liquid brightened and turned lime. Time was of the absolute essence.

"LOCATE OBJ- ACHOOO!!!" she sneezed, and the cauldron's contents suddenly went still. The Witch Princesses covered her mouth and stared down at the brew fearfully. For a moment nothing happened and she breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe, just maybe, the spell lost had it's power.

A sudden explosion of light from the cauldron dashed her hopes to pieces and the Witch Princess stumbled back from the pot, which began to shake violently.

"Dammit... Dammit!" she cried and summoned a crystal cube from her mantle and into her right hand. As a youth she had her share of failed spells but the power that she felt from this mistake was far greater, and more dangerous, than anything she had ever experienced.

"Errant energies respond to my comm-!" she began to chant, but the words to the spell died on her lips as the cauldron's contents suddenly leapt out of the pot and began to float in midair. The witches' mouth fell open in shock at the sight. She had never even HEARD of such a thing happening before...

The bright green liquid began to pulse steadily, almost as though it were alive. Despite her instincts the Witch Princess fought off the urge to reattempt a spell of containment. There was no telling what form the botched spell might take, and if she acted too quickly without knowing the precise nature of it's energy... she could easily destroy her home and ruin decades of timely mortgage payments.

"Easy now," the Witch Princess said softly. To her surprise, the spell seemed to react to her voice. Was it truly alive?

Slowly, she began to raise the crystal cube and reached out with her senses to probe the spell's contents.

The spell reacted to her movement immediately, almost as though it were guessing her intent. It darted to the corner of her living room and collided with a set of beakers; thankfully empty. The witch cried out in anger and ran towards the wild spell, holding the cube out with her outstretched arm.

"Oh no you don't, you little-!" she snarled with rage. That beaker set was NOT cheap.

The spell easily flew past her and hid underneath a table, bouncing back and forth in a way that could only be considered mocking. Despite her anger the Witch Princess kept her wits and removed several small slips of paper from her pockets. With a single word of magic they began to glow pale yellow and she tossed one directly at the spell.

The spell dodged and flew up to the ceiling as the witch swore and aimed again. The spell was agile, though, and it dashed around the paper and headed for her bathroom. The Witch Princess chased after the spell and prepared to throw another slip of paper, but she suddenly stopped in horror. The spell had stopped and was hovering over her sink, right next to her brand new hairdryer.

"You bastard..." she hissed, eyes glowing with rage. The witch raised a slip of paper threateningly and the spell inched towards the hairdryer in response.

Why? Why didn't she keep the receipt?

Faster than she could blink, the spell leapt into the hairdryer and took control of it. The possessed haircare device tried it's best to speed past the Witch Princess, but at the last minute she managed to grab a hold of it's cord.

"Ahah, got you!" the witch shouted in triumph.

The hairdryer jerked her around violently as it struggled to escape, but the Witch Princess was determined to save her investment. With great effort she made her way back into the living room and pointed the dryer at the now-empty cauldron. She knew exactly which spell to cast.

"Wild energies, release your hold," she chanted, and the hair dryer began to grow hot.

"Obey my command and depart from this vessel!" Her hands began to blister under the object's intense heat, but she kept her focus and continued the spell.

"DISPEL POSSE- Oh, son of a bitch!" she screamed as the hair dryer exploded in her hands. The Witch Princess turned her head to the side and shaded her eyes as the escaped spell made a complete circle around the room... and then smashed it's way through the front window to freedom. With it's great speed it was pointless to follow, but the witch ran outside anyway.

"Look out!" she cried. "Runaway spell!!!"


* * *


"You're looking well today, Madam Moo." Jack smiled, rubbing his prized cow behind the ears.

The cow mooed contentedly in response to his touch, and Jack stretched his head back to bask in the warm glow of the sun. It was just barely noon and he already had most of his daily chores finished. All that was left to do was clear two crop spaces of weeds and plant the Pineapple seeds that he had just bought from Won. Ann was sure to be thrilled with his field's new addition...

"MoooOOOOoooo!!!" Madam Moo bellowed. Jack jerked his hand back and looked at her with surprise.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Jack asked. He tried to lean closer to inspect her head for injury, but the cow backed away and swayed her head back and forth, mooing in agitation.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need a-" Jack stopped speaking as he saw that she was staring intently into the distance. Jack turned and followed her gaze, and to his surprise there was a bright, glowing object in the distance. He wasn't sure, but it looked to be getting closer...

"What in the world?" he said out loud, and turned back to Madam Moo. She responded by grabbing hold of Jack's shirt in her mouth and dragging him towards the barn.

"H- hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Jack yelled. He struggled against her in vain but the cow's strength was too great. Jack was confused and just a little frightened. He had never seen her act like this before...

"Just wait a second, Madam Moo! Stop it!" Jack cried, and suddenly the cow let go of his shirt and turned to run.

"Madam Moo! Where are y-" Jack began to speak but the words died on his lips as the bright light from the distance was now mere heartbeats away. Whatever it was it was heading straight for them, and Jack ran to protect his cow.

Madam Moo let out one last terrified "moo" and then the strange light crashed into them both. Jack had no time to scream as the light knocked them to the ground, and both boy and cow fell into unconsciousness.

...to be continued

[Rozewater]

VERY charming, very interesting! Love your writing style. It flows quite nicely and your vocabulary choices are spot on.

Can't wait to see where you go with this! :D

[Pickle]

*chuckles* Madam Moo.

Well, I'm hooked. Get it a movin'!

[caspis]

Thank you for the kind words Rosewater, Pickle!


Okay, another couple of notes to start out with;

In the next few chapters I'm going to make a reference or two to one of my previous stories. Just so nobody is confused...

In my last story the Harvest Goddess discovers that granting wishes to the townsfolk can be a very lucrative job, so she starts granting wishes to EVERYONE for a price.

Unfortunately she grants so many wishes that she depletes almost all of her powers, and she is no longer able to maintain the balance between agriculture and industry; and humans and nature.

In short, her greed almost destroys all of Mineral Town, and it is only her younger sister, the "Witch Princess", who is able to set everything right.

Also, from now on I will occasionally make comments during the story. You can recognize them as always being in parenthesis and being 'bold'.

Well, then! On with the story...

Chapter 2

"Gotta have something... gotta have SOMETHING!" the Witch Princess cried as she tore through the many drawers of her study for
some kind of useful magical item.

"Wand of Mending?" she groaned, tossing an item aside. "Necklace of 'Helpful Nudging'? What the hell is that?!"

One by one the witch discarded useless items until she had a tidy pile of arcane artifacts. So far, nothing proved to be useful in helping her locate the runaway spell.

"Stave of Inexplicable Attraction?" the witch said aloud, mysteriously. "Gotta save that one..."

"Aha!" she exclaimed.

The Witch Princess held up a ring and stared at it thoughtfully. It was a ring of 'magical detection', and it was hardly an accurate means of locating the position of her errant spell. Still... it would at least give her a GENERAL idea of where it had flown to.

If only she had the key to her storage room... she could easily locate the spell with her 'Crystal Globe of Scrying'.

"Good enough." the witch sighed, slipping the ring onto her left index finger.

Immediately the Witch Princess took in a deep breath as her senses expanded far beyond the reach of her home. Many items throughout the living room began to glow a deep blue, but she ignored them all as she ran outside and focused deeply on what lay beyond.

"No... no..." she whispered, furrowing her brow in concentration. A mis-casting of this magnitude should be immediately detectable, so why was it-?

"There!" the Witch cried, triumphantly.

It wasn't much to go by, but the ring was clearly pulling her arm towards the location of the nearest town. The Witch Princess narrowed her eyes in annoyance as she realized the spell's location.

"Mineral Town." she hissed. "Figures..."


* * *


"Jaaaaack!" Ann called out happily, carrying a picnic basket full of treats.

Like nearly every day of the year she was energetically running from the town commons to her beloved Jack's farm, ready to catch him in her arms and whisk him away from his daily chores to enjoy an afternoon of lovingly-prepared food.

She briefly wondered why such a simple daily ritual would bring them both joy, but the mental image of Jack's delighted face quickly answered any
such questions. They were in love; and sometimes... you didn't need a reason.

"Where arrrrrrre youuuuuu?" she shouted.

Odd...

Jack was usually outside tending to the fields by now. Was he in the house?

Ann stomped up the steps of his front porch and swung the door open with her best smile equipped.

Nothing?

Somewhat annoyed; Ann scanned the kitchen, and then the living room for any notes that might indicate where he was.

Still, nothing.

"Playing hide-and-seek?" she asked, playfully.

"Oh well, if you're not here then you must..."

Quick as a rabbit, Ann dashed outside and headed for the chicken coop. Jack always took care of his animals before anything else, but sometimes when he finished his daily chores in the field he liked to spend some extra time growing a stronger bond with them.

Again... nothing.

Ann's infamous temper threatened to show itself once again, but she fought back the urge. After all of the crazy happenings of the past few years she wasn't going to let something as simple as this ruin their day. Surely she would find him in the cow's barn...

"Jack?" she asked tersely, opening the door.

...just Madam Moo.

"What the hell?" Ann growled. How many times had she warned Jack to leave a note in case he had business to deal with in the town? Would it KILL him to think of her once in a wh-

"Madam Moo, stop it!" Ann shouted as the cow excitedly grabbed a hold of her overalls. Madam Moo quickly complied, but just as soon as the bovine let go it
began bobbing it's head back and forth and stomped it's left hoof on the floor. Ann raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Are you okay, girl?" Ann asked, and to her surprise Madam Moo shook her head vigorously.

"What's wrong?" Ann inquired. "Is it something about Jack?"

Madam Moo raised up on her hind legs and stomped down on the floor, startling Ann.

"Oh! Okay..." Ann gasped. "What is it? I don't speak 'cow'..."

Madam Moo snorted loudly and pawed the ground. Ann watched the cow's actions with mystery.

"Jack?" Ann asked. Madam Moo bellowed in response.

"Oh!" the girl cried. "Jack... he's... he's..... HE'S TRAPPED IN THE WELL!!!"

Madam Moo stood still and eyed her critically.

"Sorry, too many re-runs of 'Lassie'." Ann giggled.

(ugh, what a lame joke...)

"MooooOOOOOoooo!!!" Madam Moo roared, and Ann backed away from the animal fearfully.

"DAMMIT..." Jack (in Madam Moo's body) thought aloud. "HOW CAN I-"

Inspiration thrilled through his body as Jack the Cow had a sudden idea. He quickly ran to the back wall until he reached his straw hat. Jack usually preferred his baseball cap, but on especially hot days the hat did a much better job of keeping the sun away.

Jack carefully manuvered his neck until the hat lay on his broad head, and with a deft snap he was wearing it. Ann watched onwards with wonder.

"Madam Moo, you know better than to mess with J-" Ann started, but Madam Moo's next movements drew her breath away.

The frantic cow/boy began stomping it's hoof on the ground in a definite pattern and Ann, who had learned many things from her father, quickly recognized the sounds as Morse-code.

"Do not know happen." Madam Moo stomped. It was broken English but Ann was sharp enough to recognize what she was trying to say.

"Me not Cow." the, ummmm... 'cow' continued.

(no, I know absolutely nothing of Morse-code...)

"Huh?" Ann asked aloud, bewildered.

"Me Jack." he finished.

Ann's eyes bugged out like a person who opened their home's front door to reveal an underwater utopia as apposed to, say, their lawn.

She looked up at Jack's gardening hat, and then slowly lowered her gaze until she was staring the bovine straight in the eyes.

"You... are JACK?" Ann asked, gritting her teeth.

Sweat ran down Jack's brow at the response. He knew that tone, all too well...

(do cows even sweat?)

"Yes." Jack stomped.

Ann breathed in deep and counted to three. Once she gained some resemblance of control, Ann reached out and grabbed Jack's delicate cow ears in her hands, and pulled his head close.

"My boyfriend... is a COW?!?" Ann shrieked with rage.

Jack tried to back away, but his girlfriend's fearsome grip held him at bay.

For a very, very long minute Ann continued to hold Jack's ears in a painful embrace as she looked deep into his eyes. When she finally chose to speak it was with carefully-measured acerbity.

(for the meaning of the word 'acerbity', consult your nearest dictionary!)

"Jack, I think you will agree with me that I've put up with a lot during out relationship." Ann started, and luckily Jack didn't try to protest the statement.

"I.don't.know.what.is.going.on..." she stammered, as her cool began to break.

"...but.I.want.you.to.fix.it, NOW!!!" Ann vociferated.

(okay, now I'm going overboard with the verbs...)

Jack swallowed hard and resisted the sudden urge to vomit cud into his mouth. He nodded in agreement and his temperamental girlfriend finally released his ears. Jack walked to the front of the barn, lifted the latch with his nose, and galloped towards the Harvest Goddesses' pond.

Ann smoothed back her bright orange hair, slowly walked to the barn's door... and then tore it off it's hinges.

The sudden violence made her feel a 'bit' better.

To be Continued...

[Juxapose]

Yep, Ann in your stories are just as violent as ever. Such a cute mix of Harvest Moon: 64, and Harvest Moon: BTN.

And I do recall your goddess fic some years ago, (Was it 2 years ago that I read it?)

[Pickle]

VIOLENCE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.

...EVERYTHING!

[caspis]

Chapter 3

It is a common misconception that cows are foul-smelling, lazy, simple-minded beasts that exist solely for the benefit of mankind.

While it is true that they smell bad and are in fact quite tasty, they actually possess a keen intellect and a complex range of emotions that place them above other land creatures of their size. Loyal and trustworthy; introspective and sensitive; they are truly marvels of evolution and for their daily sacrifices for the better of mankind they deserve the same recognition and affection that we give to our beloved dogs and cats.

Probably.

Well, okay... perhaps I'm exaggerating just a bit, but for the purposes of this story let's pretend that everything I just said is true.

Madam Moo was an exceptional example of her species, and today was clearly a sign from the gods that she had been chosen to rise up from her humble roots and join the ranks of the higher beings.

At first her transformation was terrifying. She had never gone unconscious in her life and the feeling of slipping away led her to believe that her life was coming to an end. When she finally came to the sense of relief that she felt was short-lived, as she quickly realized that something was very, very wrong.

The familiar bulk of her old, familiar frame was gone, replaced with a slender and soft body that both felt completely alien and strangely familiar at the same time. The shoes that covered her feet; the thick fabric that covered her legs and torso; they all looked identical to the daily attire of her beloved master. But... why were they on her? And where was her master?

Madam Moo's astonishment grew even deeper as she took in her surroundings and saw a strange cow staggering around to her side. Madam Moo tried to move forward to greet this new addition to the farm, but she quickly fell forward on her face. What was going on? Her body felt so strange, so awkward. It was then that she looked down at her front hooves and saw that they were no longer there. In their place were the soft, dexterous hands of a human, and as she looked closer she saw that one of her fingers was wearing the same wooden ring as her master.

With full realization of her condition still eluding the cow, she focused all of her attention on moving forward and interrogating the unfamiliar bovine before her. Certainly this stranger knew something useful.

Strange.

This new cow had a split on it's left-front hoof, just like she d-

The spot on it's side... the one that looked curiously like a smiley face, was also the same as hers. It was even wearing the same collared bell that her master gave her for Christmas.

She was wearing her master's clothing. The cow before her looked strikingly similar to herself. Her body was strange.

Suddenly, everything was clear.

The gods must have chosen to give her the chance to live as a human. She was being given a great gift; the opportunity to unite all of bovine-kind and lead them to a new future of happiness and prosperity. Things were going to be different for her people from now on. She would be a leader. No, a QUEEN.

But first... some grass. She was awfully hungry.


* * *

"Why is Ann so angry with me?" Jack the cow sighed as he continued to trot down the dirt path leading to the Harvest Goddesses' pond.

It was certainly true that he had put her through some difficult situations in the past; all a product of his bizarre luck he felt, but there was no possible way that she or anyone else could blame him for THIS one. Sometimes Ann could be so difficult...

Speaking of difficult, Jack was having a hard time getting used to moving in a cow's body. He wondered if Madam Moo was having similar difficulties and if so, if she was doing any damage to his body.

Earlier when he regained consciousness from the transformation it took a long time for Jack to make sense of what had happened. Unfortunately when he finally understood his predicament he saw that Madam Moo was already far away and seemed to be heading towards the town. Jack did his best to stagger forward and chase her down, but before he could get far his beloved dog Koro found him and stopped his progress.

Koro wasn't sure what was going on but he had a feeling that something was wrong with his master, and whatever was the cause of the boy's odd behavior it seemed to be the fault of Jack's prize cow.

Jack stumbled forward to greet his dog, happy to see a friendly face, but Koro wanted nothing to do with the cow. Koro bristled the fur on his shoulders and began to growl deeply as Jack got near.

Confused, Jack tried to reassure the animal but found that he could only rumble and drone, which only served to anger the dog even more. Koro ran forward and nipped at Jack's legs, and Jack fearfully ran from his pet to the relative safety of the barn.

What a day.

Jack slowly but surely began to get the hang of walking, and soon he arrived at the familiar home of the Harvest Goddess. A deep feeling of peace and calm washed over him as the goddess's presence put his senses and nerves at ease. If anyone could make sense of this mess and set things right, it would surely be her.

"MOO!" Jack called out, and waited patiently for the goddess's arrival.

Hmmm. Nothing. Jack usually brought an offering from his field, but he knew it wasn't an absolute requirement. He drew in a deep breath and mooed once again, this time louder. Perhaps she wasn't answering because he wasn't a human.

"MooooOOOOoooo!!!" Jack bellowed, and to his relief he heard a noise come from the waterfall in response.

"Uhhhnnnnn... go 'way." the Harvest Goddess groaned, and she continued to remain from sight. Jack's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"Mooo! Moo, Moo, MOOOO!" Jack continued, frightened. Maybe he was right. Maybe she wouldn't appear to a cow?

"MOOOOOOOO!!!" Jack insisted, and after a brief explosion of swearing from behind the waterfall the holy light of the Harvest Goddess began to stream out of the swirling waters.

Relieved, Jack stepped back and waved his tail back and forth. Perhaps she was just-

Oh my.

The Harvest Goddess slowly appeared before him clad in slippers and an old bathrobe. The goddesses' usually luxurious hair was a complete mess, her eyes were bloodshot and she was holding a hand to her forehead to shade away the sun. Jack was speechless. What had happened to the once beautiful woman?

"Oh, gods... what was I thinking?" she groaned and began to massage her temples. "No more blackberry schnapps... EVER."

Jack continued to stare at her with disbelief. This was not what he was expecting.

The goddess looked around slowly to see who had disturbed her sleep, and was mildly surprised to see a cow standing before her. She raised an eyebrow at her guest curiously, but her impeccable
senses prevailed.

"Oh, hey Jack. That's a new look for you." the goddess said, forcing a grin. Jack's eyes widened in amazement.

"H- how did?" Jack spoke, and his confusion grew even deeper as he heard his human voice echo through his mind. The Harvest Goddess chuckled at Jack's comical expression but quickly winced as her
throbbing headache grew stronger.

"Come on, Jack. I'm a goddess." she spoke, slowly. "It's my business to know these kinds of things." The goddess raised her head slightly and took a bleary glance at the sun as Jack struggled for words.

"Ugh, what time is it?" the goddess sighed. "I still need to get to the bank today..."

Jack swished his tail around violently as he finally drew his wits about him.

"Wait! No!" he yelled, panicking. "I need your help! I don't know how it happened but but somehow I've traded bodies with Madam Moo. I... I'll do anything if you'll just help me! Please!"

Jack bowed down awkwardly in a sign of respect, and the Harvest Goddess groaned in pain.

"Jeez, not so loud." she sighed. "I kind of guessed that you needed my help. You usually do..." she said, with a hint of annoyance. Jack bowed even deeper.

"I'm sor-" he started, but the Harvest Goddess stopped him with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Forget it." she said. "I'm just in a bad mood."

The goddess floated down to Jack and looked him over with a scrutinizing eye. She tapped his forehead gently with her fist and even gave him an experimental sniff. The goddesses' nose wrinkled in distaste at the scent.

"Yep. Definitely magic." she concluded. "Looks like my sister's work." Jack's body shivered with excitement at the diagnosis.

"Yeah... that would explain it!" Jack said happily. "But why would she-? No, it doesn't matter. Can you fix me, please? I promise I'll-"

"Nope, sorry. Can't do it." the goddess yawned. Jack felt his stomachs sink.

"Y-, you can't?" Jack said, shocked. "But, but, you're a- well, you know..."

The Harvest Goddess shrugged helplessly and began smoothing back her hair into some resemblance of order.

"Hey, I'm sorry. That's just how it is." she said. "My powers still aren't fully restored from last year, and even if they were I can't completely reverse whatever spell caused this without my sister's help.
Witches' magic is strange stuff. Don't know why they bother with that crap..." she mused.

Tears began to well up in Jack's eyes at the revelation, and the Harvest Goddess quickly waved her hands.

"No, no, don't worry." she said quickly. "It's not like the spell is unfixable. I just need to get a hold of my sister and have her come over to help me. She's probably looking for you right now, anyway."

Jack raised his head hopefully and began swishing his tail once more.

"Really?" he asked. The Harvest Goddess smiled and nodded.

"I promise." she answered. "Just let me take a quick shower and get changed. We'll have you back to normal in no time."

Jack raised up and down on his front hooves excitedly and stomped the ground in joy.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you!" he cried. "I can't wait to tell Ann the good news..."

The Harvest Goddess grimaced slightly.

"Oh, right." she said. "She must be ready to kill you. Honestly, I don't know what you see in her..."

Jack opened his mouth in protest but the Harvest Goddess quickly shook her head in apology.

"No, I'm sorry. That was rude." she said. "The gods know I've had my share of weird boyfriends. Now, lets see..." she frowned. "How about you go back to your farm and wait for me. I need to charge up my cell phone for a bit, anyway."

Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise but refrained from commenting. Today was going to be full of mysteries, apparently.

"Thank you again miss goddess, ma'am." Jack said, bowing once more. "I promise my tribute to you this season will be the best ever!"

The Harvest Goddess smiled and waved as she turned to enter her waterfall. Jack could be a pain in the neck sometimes with his formality, but the boy's heart was always in the right place.

"Sounds good, Jack." the goddess said. "See ya' in a bit."

Jack galloped off into the distance excitedly, but he was quickly stopped by the Harvest Goddesses' loud voice.

"Hey, could you find me some aspirin when you get there?" she called. "I've got one hell of a hangover..."

To Be Continued...

[Juxapose]

Hey, I'm curious. Whatever happened to the Goddess' baby? It's been a year since the events of the last fic, it has to have grown up a bit since then.

[caspis]

Aw, crap...

I totally forgot about that. #ashamed042jp#

I'm going to write that off as just being one of those elements that doesn't carry on from the previous story, like having Barley keep coming back from the dead and Cliff regaining his identity as a guy with no explanations given.

I, uhhh... consider plot holes and inconsistencies to be an integral part of my writing style. #rolleye112qw#

[Pickle]

That's okay. It's a humor story. Actually, make references to it and bright out your plot holes.

I can't wait to see what Miss Moo does. And thanks for the imagery of the Harvest Goddess.

[caspis]

Thank you again, Pickle. #blinkey#

I'm sorry that this story is going so slowly... I'll do my best to post a new chapter every day, or at the very least every two days.

Speaking of which, on to chapter four!


Chapter 4

"Excuse me sir," the Witch Princess said, holding up a piece of paper. "But have you seen this sp- hey same to you, jerk!" she yelled as the man made an obscene gesture and quickly walked away.

Her home lay at the very edge of Mineral Town's border and although the Witch Princess preferred to live in solitude, it made trips to town a tedious affair. Normally she would simply fly with her broom but that, along with many other useful items, lay inside of her locked tool shed.

As a result she found herself walking down the long, dusty road to town on foot. Every once in a while she would pass a traveler and ask the same question; "Have you seen this spell?" while she offered a hastily scribbled picture of the errant magic.

So far everyone had the same reaction; confusion, then suspicion, and finally hostility. The Witch Princess wondered what was wrong with everyone in the
world. It was as though no one had ever seen a robed witch hunting down a failed incantation before.

Ugh.

Hillbillies. All of them.

The Witch Princess stopped for a moment and looked intently at her ring of magical detection. It was clearly glowing brighter than it was when she left her property, but she still had no definite idea of where the spell had gone.

The witch briefly attempted to wave her arm around in the air in the futile hope that it would glow brighter in some specific direction, but the ring merely continued to glow a dull blue no matter where it was pointed.

Wonderful.

If she didn't hurry the Witches' Council would surely discover the runaway spell first and place yet another demerit on her license. This would be her third in only a month, meaning that she would be eligible for a "Section B" offense.

It didn't matter that she was a member of good standing within the Witches' Council; they would be forced to take immediate action and punish her accordingly.

The Witch Princess, despite all protest and appeals, would be forced to provide refreshments for the next meeting.

...and witches know the difference between store-bought and home-made. They ALL do.


* * *

"Moo! Mooooo!!!" Jack bellowed happily as he trotted back to his farm. He should have known better than to despair. The Harvest Goddess, despite her sometimes dubious nature, was a goddess still.

Soon he would be back in his old body and he could patch things up with Ann by taking her to the next town for dinner. It all just goes to show that if you maintain a positive outlook and don't give in to-

Huh.

Where WAS Ann?

Jack let out a loud "Moo" and waited patiently for a response, but he saw no movement and heard no reply. Maybe she was waiting in the house?

Jack made his way to the home's front steps and was greeted by a note on the door. He immediately recognized Ann's distinctive handwriting in the note, and it said;

"Sorry Jack, I had to get back to the Inn. I'll be back before sundown if you need help."

Jack nodded in understanding, and the last part of the letter set his heart to ease.

"I'm sorry I got angry with you. I know this isn't your fault; these things just seem to happen to you, don't they? I'll be looking forward to seeing you again, hopefully in your REAL body this time. #wub#

-Love, Ann

Jack smiled as he finished reading the letter. Or rather, he came as close to smiling as is possible for a cow.

Things were indeed beginning to look up for him. If he was really lucky he would be back in his real body before Ann got back, and then he could greet her with a kiss. There wasn't much that he could do at the moment in his cow-form, but maybe Jack could-

"Helloooo there, Jack!" Mayor Thomas called from the distance. Jack started with surprise and turned to see the diminutive old man bouncing his way towards the farm. What could he possibly want?

"Hello? Jack my boy, are you there?" the mayor asked, peering around in confusion. "Oh drat, I walked all the way over here and he's gone!" Thomas groaned. "Oh well. I guess I can just ask him tomorrow."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief. The mayor was the last person that he wanted to have to deal with right now.

"Well, how are you doing today Madam Moo?" Thomas asked, walking over to the cow.

Jack froze with fear. What should he do? Act... cowish?

"Moo." Jack said uncertainly.

Mayor Thomas grinned and scratched the cow behind the ear. Jack was ashamed to admit it, but the scratching really DID feel good.

"Are you all alone, my dear?" Thomas asked, and without thinking Jack nodded his head. The mayor raised an eyebrow in surprise at the cow's response.

"Do you- do you understand me?" he asked in wonderment. Jack's mind raced wildly, but the best that he could think of was to lower his head and begin chewing on some grass.

Thomas removed a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed a bit of sweat off of his forehead before chuckling loudly.

"Hahah, what am I thinking? You're just a dumb cow, aren't you?" the mayor laughed. Jack stopped eating for a moment and glared at the mayor.

"Well, as long as I'm here I'm sure Jack won't mind if I stop in for a moment and use his restroom." Thomas whispered conspiratorily. Jack's eyes widened in surprise. Did the mayor do this often?

"You won't tell anyone, right Madam Moo?" Mayor Thomas giggled as he made his way towards the house. Jack gritted his teeth but did nothing to stop the man.

He wasn't afraid of germs by any means, but there was just something wrong about a person, even a friend, inviting themselves into his home to use his bathroom while he was away. Jack walked up to the house slowly and peered into the front window.

Just as he had said, Thomas walked into the restroom and shut the door behind him. For a brief moment Jack wondered if the mayor was going to put the seat up. Common courtesy dictated it, after all.

A long time passed by, and Jack felt his irritation grow.

He had BETTER flush properly. And if he dared to use his good towels...

Finally the mayor exited the bathroom, and to his disgust Jack failed to hear the sound of the sink running. Jack continued waiting patiently for Thomas to exit his home, but to his surprise the old man walked into his kitchen and began looking around. Jack's mouth opened in shock at the blatant disregard for his privacy.

"Hmmm... lots of dishes in the sink." Thomas muttered. Jack pressed his nose to the window and breathed wide jets of steam onto the glass. Mayor or not, Thomas was clearly overstepping his bounds.

"Anything in the fridge?" the old man asked to himself. Jack wanted to scream out loud. How dare he look through Jack's refrigerator... and without washing his hands, even!

"Ohhhh, fresh cheese!" Thomas grinned. The mayor looked around for a moment to make sure that he was alone, and then broke off a chunk. He tossed half of it into his mouth and made a motion to eat the rest, but
the final bits of cheese fell to the floor and rolled under the counter.

Thomas got down on his knees and swiped his hand under the counter until he found the dropped food, and after a moment he stood up with it in his hand.

It was clearly covered with dust, but the mayor simply wiped it off on his shirt and then tossed the morsel into his mouth. Finally he rubbed his hands on one of Jack's kitchen towels and went back to the refrigerator.

"Dear me, now I'm thirsty!" Mayor Thomas remarked. He browsed through the refrigerator's contents once more and removed a half-full bottle of milk. Jack began pawing the dirt with rage.

"Use a glass... use a glass!" he fumed.

Of course the Mayor did no such thing. He uncapped the milk, took a long drag, and recapped it. Once again he took Jack's kitchen towel in hand and wiped his mouth off on it vigorously before returning the milk to it's proper space.

"Ah!" Thomas grinned. "Nothing like fresh milk. I'm sure 'ol Jackie-boy won't mind."

Jack most certainly DID mind, and he braced himself to show the mayor just what he thought of his brazen intrusion.

"Well, I should be heading off." Mayor Thomas said to no one in particular as he exited Jack's house. "Maybe Doug has something good cooking for din-"

The mayor was cut off abruptly as Jack the cow dashed across the front lawn and head butted the old man to the ground. Thomas howled in fright as he flew in the air and landed heavily on the hard ground. He turned and looked at 'Madam Moo' with confusion.

"Hey!" he yelled, walking up the cow. "Just who do you think you are?" Thomas stared at the cow sternly and slapped it on the nose.

"Bad cow! Bad!" he shouted.

Jack's rage rose to new bounds, and he roared with all of his might.

"MOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO!!!"

Mayor Thomas backed away quickly in fear. He wasn't sure what was wrong with Jack's deranged cow, but he suddenly had the feeling that he should leave... NOW.

The old man turned and began to run away but Jack dashed forward and bit into the mayor's backside. Thomas cried loudly in pain and ran as quickly as his little legs could carry him. Jack stood watching the old man's escape with satisfaction, and spit the torn fabric on the ground.

"Crazy cow!" Mayor Thomas howled as tears streamed down his face. "I'll make sure Jack turns you into steak!!!"

Jack watched the old man's hasty retreat smugly. As soon as he was back in his true body, Jack vowed to invite the mayor over for a very SPECIAL dinner.


* * *


"Looks like she's already left..." a mysterious figure spoke aloud.

The person in question was standing outside of the Witch Princesses' home, and began typing numbers into a cell phone.

It was clearly a woman, and she was clad in the same mystical robes as the Witch Princess. This particular individual had long, red hair though; and she wore a multitude of strange and expensive-looking necklaces and rings. The woman had delicate features and would have been considered quite pretty were it not for the excessive amount of eye shadow that she wore.

"Hello? Is this the Witches' Council?" she asked aloud. "Yes, this is Witch Penelope. No, she isn't at home. Probably went out looking for the spell." the witch continued. "Yeah... Yeah. Sure. What should I do when I find her?"

The witch paused for a moment as her superiors issued their instructions, and the wide grin that she wearing at the thought of Witch Princesses' punishment quickly faded.

"Are you SERIOUS? Just for a minor offen-" she began, but the Council quickly cut her off.

"I see." Penelope continued.

"Yes, I understand. I guess it can't be helped. I'll call you back as soon as I make contact. Goodbye."

Witch Penelope hung up her phone and looked into the distance towards Mineral Town; the suspected location of the runaway spell. The witch grinned slightly, despite her misgivings over the judgment.

Whatever.

As long as her rival was punished, that's all that mattered to her.

"You really screwed up this time, 'Princess'."

To be continued...

[Juxapose]

O.o

I can't wait to see what punishment awaits her.

[Pickle]

Feb 25, 2009 16:50:21 GMT -5 caspis said:

Thank you again, Pickle. #blinkey#

I'm sorry that this story is going so slowly... I'll do my best to post a new chapter every day, or at the very least every two days.

Oh, don't feel too bad. Look at the progress of my stories.

[caspis]

Three days counts as "every other day".... right? #ashamed042jp#


Chapter 5

"Ah, finally!" the Witch Princess cried out happily.

The magic detector on her finger was now glowing brightly; so brightly in fact that she found it impossible to look at the ring directly. The witch had originally planned on having to go door to door throughout the town until she found the runaway spell, but as luck would have it the ring led her to a large farm; most likely the property of the young townsman 'Jack' whom she remembered from the events of last year.

"Hello, Jack?" the Witch Princess called out. "Is this the farm of the young man I met last year? I followed a miscast spell here and I was hoping you could tell me what happened to it."

The witch quickly dashed around the farm shouting Jack's name but it seemed that he wasn't present. She rolled her eyes in annoyance and prepared to scour the area for the spell, but to her surprise a large cow trotted out to greet her.

"Moo? MoooooMoooo Muhhhhh?" Jack asked.

The ring of magical detection turned from a steady glow to a pulsing strobe and the Witch Princess let out a sigh of relief. She pointed a finger at the cow and spoke a brief incantation;

"Tongue of beasts, let your words be known to all. TRANSLATE ANIMAL SPEECH!"

"...oh, right. You can't understand me, either. Great." Jack groaned, lowering his head. The Witch Princess smiled and folded her arms in satisfaction.

"I can now." she said. Jack looked up with surprise and opened his mouth to reply, but the witch cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"I take it you are- or at least were, Jack the farmer?" she asked. Jack nodded enthusiastically and the Witch Princess walked forward to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Please allow me to apologise. This is totally my fault." she said. "It's a long story but I messed up a spell earlier today and it looks like you
ended up paying for my mistake. But don't worry! Now that I've found you I can fix everything."

"And... not a... moment too soon... either." the Harvest Goddess huffed as she arrived at the farm, out of breath. Jack and the Witch Princess turned in surprise to see the Harvest Goddess stumble forward to their side; her face pale and her eyes obscured by dark sunglasses.

"What happened to you?" the Witch Princess snorted, rolling her eyes. "Been hitting the bottle again? You know what mom says ab-"

"Oh shut up, Princess." the goddess said with an angry glare. "If it wasn't for you I'd still be at home sleeping." Jack looked back and forth at the quarreling sisters and spoke up before they could continue.

"What do you mean; 'not too soon'?" he asked, worriedly. The Witch Princess was about to fire an insult at her sister but Jack's question stopped her in her tracks. The Harvest Goddess crossed her arms and nodded at her.

"Yes, why don't you explain?" the goddess asked.

"I was just about to." the witch snapped. She turned to Jack and smiled nervously. "Well, you see... since you were struck with a miscast spell the effects, and the duration, are quite unstable. Normally my spells are as good as permanent, but... ummm-"

"-if she waits too long to reverse the spell the effects could be permanent." the Harvest Goddess interrupted.

"Would you shut up, already?" the witch yelled. "I was just about t-"

"Then please, hurry!" Jack cried. "I don't want to be a cow any more! I don't want to eat grass, and I feel like my udder is going to-"

The sisters both raised an eyebrow at the declaration, and Jack hastily changed the subject.

"Never mind." he continued. "I'm ready whenever you are!"

"Great! Fine." the Witch Princess said, stifling a smile. "Just take me to your original body and I'll begin the first phase of the spell."

"What?" Jack asked. The Witch Princess sighed in annoyance.

"You know, your REAL body." she said. "We can't swap your souls to their proper bodies without it."

Once again Jack felt his stomaches sink.

"Well..." he said, sheepishly. The Witch Princesses' eyes widened alarmingly at his response.

"You don't know where it is?!" she screamed. "You idiot! How could you let it get aw-"

"Does this mean I can go home?" the Harvest Goddess asked.

"SHUT UP!" Jack and the witch yelled together.

"I didn't mean to!" Jack said, turning back to the Witch Princess. "I wasn't feeling well after I woke up and she was already leaving the farm before I
c-"

"-oh for the love of the gods..." the Witch Princess groaned, placing a hand on her forehead. "Do you at least know which way it was headed?"

Jack nodded affirmatively.

"Madam Moo was definitely headed towards town." he said. "She probably went to the town square. I take her there every year for the Cow Festival and one time she disappeared thinking that it was time again."

"Okay, fine." the Witch Princess sighed. "Ugh. You'd better be right..."

"I'm almost certain," Jack said, quickly. "and if she's not there, she might be at Barley's ranch visiting the other cows."

"Gods, this headache is killing me..." the Harvest Goddess groaned, but Jack and the Witch Princess both ignored her complaint.

"Okay, then." the witch said, looking off in the distance. "I have to get back to my house and grab a few components for the spell. STAY HERE, you understand?" she asked, and Jack nodded back obediently. "Now, do you have someone who can help find your real body?"

"Yes, Ann can help." Jack answered. "She should be back soon."

"Good." the Witch Princess continued. "Tell her to bring it back to the farm as soon as she finds it, and stay put until I get back."

"Sure. No problem."

"And you," the witch said, turning to her sister. "Go take some aspirin, or something. I'm going to need you to swap the souls to their proper bodies after they've been removed and you have to have total concentration."

The Harvest Goddess swallowed hard and nodded in understanding.

"Jaaaaaaack!" Ann called from the distance. Jack turned to see her happily running towards the farm and he groaned out loud. He REALLY wanted to be back in his real body before she arrived.

"Good timing." the Witch Princess said, turning away. "I'll see you in an hour or so."


* * *


"Dammit!" the Witch Princess swore as she jogged back to her home. Would it be asking too much for just ONE thing to go right today? If her sister was too sick to properly make the swap...

"In a hurry are we, Princess?"

The voice was irratatingly familiar, and the Witch Princess turned around slowly to face her longtime rival; Witch Penelope. The young woman's face wore a look of infuriating smugness that Princess immediately wanted to smack off.

"Penelope." Princess said, coldly. "Big surprise that they sent YOU."

Penelope grinned and smoothed back her hair.

"I suppose you know why I'm here, then?" the woman asked. Princess sighed and turned away from the witch.

"Yeah, yeah." she said. "I'll pick up some flour at the store after I f-"

"Oh I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple this time, Princess." Penelope interrupted. Princess stopped in mid stride and turned her head to face the witch.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Penelope grinned widely, clearly enjoying the moment.

"Turns out that little mishap of your sister's from last year didn't go unnoticed by the Council." Penelope explained. "In fact, short after the incident was resolved the Goddesses' League and the Witches' Council had a private meeting to determine just how widespread the effects really were."

Princess broke out into a cold sweat at the unexpected news. The last time that the heads of both organizations met...

"After some investigation they decided that 'Mineral Town' was to be marked as a Red Zone." Penelope continued. "It seems that the imbalance brought about between humans and nature was far more damaging than anyone could have imagined. In fact, there have only been three other incidents of similar magnitude on record."

The Witch Princesses' hands began to shake as she walked closer to her fellow witch and looked in her eyes, intently.

"What are they going to do to me?" Princess asked, her voice almost a whisper. Penelope laughed and waved a hand dismissively.

"Oh, don't worry." Penelope said. "You're too valuable as an Evocationist to simply strip your powers away; or banish you from this realm, for that matter."

"Then, what...?"

"The Council made a speedy judgment on your case," Penelope continued. "and came to the conclusion that if you were unable to reverse the effects of your failed spell then the damage caused by last year's incident could be completely restored, and this time it might not be possible to simply heal the land."

The Witch Princess tried to speak, but the words died on her lips. This was far more serious than she could have imagined. Penelope's smile faded as she gave the final judgment.

"You have until sundown today to reverse the errant spell and report back to the Council for disciplinary action. If you fail to accomplish this an emergency containment team will be sent to Mineral Town, and it will be placed under a Mass Dimensional Displacement spell."

"Mineral Town; ALL of it, will be removed from the Earth forever."

To be continued...

[Pickle]

OH NOES!

And here is how you count it: The weekend are not business day. Does that help?