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Post by earthgoddess on Nov 27, 2006 23:16:42 GMT -5
awesome story!! ...yeah, thinking about it, isn't it kind of creepy the mayor is standing outside your door when you first exit your house? It makes you wonder how long he's been there...stalker >_>
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Post by earthgoddess on Nov 27, 2006 23:19:09 GMT -5
just a random tiny suggestion..maybe showing instead of telling some things? like what claire decides to do and stuff ^_^
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 7:13:51 GMT -5
Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I tend to do that with all of my writing. It's a habit. Okey dokey, thanks for the help, guys! I'll write more later today.
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 16:09:25 GMT -5
Thank you for the comments and suggestions...  Chapter 5- Claire tumbled out of bed at 6am. She opened her eyes and blinked twice. She stomped one foot on the ground, then the other, and stood up. "Another, normal boring day," she said outloud. *Well, that sounds farmiliar...* Claire thought, recalling to her past when she lived in her small apartment. She got dressed, and stepped outside. Popuri was there. Popuri was mad. In fact, Popuri was furious. "So THAT'S where you've been all this time!!" she screamed at Claire's startled face. "I have no clu-" Popuri cut her off, "Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about!! 'Cause they'res NO WAY you don't know!!" "Pop-" "Just STOP!" Popuri shrieked, tears streaming down her face. "You took him...You took Kai away..." |
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 16:11:08 GMT -5
That was a short chapter..but I felt like ending it with something that...I dunno...You can kinda feel...I know, sorry, I'm talking nonsense...Should I continue? I'll probably write more today.
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 16:12:22 GMT -5
Oh yeah, and if you don't understand it, The last sentence, Popuri is saying that.
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 16:44:51 GMT -5
Muhahaha...hehe...I'm hyyyper! Please comment quick  |
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Post by earthgoddess on Nov 28, 2006 17:23:32 GMT -5
nice ^_^ I like popuris tantrum @_@ just a random comment, you might not need to tell people that claire puts on clothes..i think hopefully people assume that  |
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 17:24:11 GMT -5
I'll just continue, even though I haven't gotten any comments...  Chapter 6- After the visit from Popuri, Claire set off to do her "chores" After feeding chickens, watering pineapples, and brushing her new horse, she ran inside. As soon as she closed the door behind her, Claire ran to her bed an rolled onto it. *I don't know what she means...is she in love with Kai? Does she think I'M in love with him? I don't have a chance...Popuri does...she is perfect. Cute, pretty, kind, charming...* She sighed. Claire sprinted out the door, and out of her farm, having no clue where she was going. Ten minutes later, she found herself at the door of the Poultry Farm. "Sorry Claire, Popuri left, I'm not sure where she went. If I see her, I'll tell her you stopped by," Lillia assured. Claire nodded and left. She stood still, letting the breeze lift up her hair and whip it around. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Claire ran to the inn, she was hoping Ann would understand her. She was staring at her feet the whole mile. "Ow, oops, sorry," Claire mumbled as she ran into a young man with long brown hair. "Yeah...sorry" They both went their seperate ways. "Hey Claire! Can I help you?" Doug asked as she walked in. "Uhh..is Ann here?" She requested. "Hmm...She must be upstairs..." "Okey doke, thanks." Claire climbed the stairs of the inn and stopped when she heard soft, but clear voices, 5 of them. "She was nice for a while..But she TOOK him!" said one voice. She could tell it was Popuri's. "Well, she's a great friend" Claire could hear Ann's stubborn, peppy voice remark. "Yeah, she's really funny at the bar.." another voice said "But-" "I don't know her, so I shouldn't say bad things about her, but she seems nice." a simple, kind voice interuppted. "I think she came to the library once, is she the one with blonde hair?" a quiet, nervous voice asked. *They're talking about me...* Her feet kept still, but her hand reached out, gripped the doorknob, and turned it. ********************************************************************* *That, was a mistake* Tears were streaming down Popuri's face. The other's just stared with blank faces. Popuri was the first to talk, "He says he doesn't love me..." she whispered. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 17:25:01 GMT -5
Oooo YAY, a comment...Yeah, you're absolutely right. Thanks!
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 17:38:32 GMT -5
How do you like the new chapter?
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Post by natsumegirl on Nov 28, 2006 18:19:27 GMT -5
It's awesome! I can't wait to see what happens! Please add May in the story, she's one of my favorites! ^-^
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Post by May on Nov 28, 2006 18:37:01 GMT -5
Okey dokey. Sure thing. Thanks! I willl try my best to put May in, I love her too, she's soo cute!
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Post by HarvestLove Meg on Nov 28, 2006 20:55:36 GMT -5
Thanks for all the comments!
Chapter 7-
Popuri slowly closed her eyes, opened them, blinked, and headed towards the door.
After Popuri left, the girls had pretty much nothing to say.
Claire felt tears gathering, waiting until they could burst free, away from her eyes. She didn't even try to fight them back, they just rolled down her soft, rosey cheeks.
Karen shook her head with a dissapointed face.
"Guys..." Claire whispered.
They all shifted their attention towards her.
"I'm sorry..."
*********************************************************************
Back at home, she made herself a cup of coffee, and ran out the door. She was hoping to get her first extention from Gotz.
"Hey Gotz," Claire greeted.
"Hello. Can I help you?"
"I'll have the first extention, please," Claire stated.
Gotz told her how long it would take and for Claire to pay up.
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Claire shuffled her way up to the hot spring. She stopped and sat down in front of a small lake, where, it was heard that a Harvest Goddess lived.
*I don't love him, I don't even think I'm dating him!*, Claire thought to herself. This time she tried to fight away tears, but she wasn't strong enough.
The little girl, May surprised her by softly touching her shoulder.
"Please don't cry, big sister," she told Claire sadly.
"Oh, hi May. I wasn't crying," Claire lied.
May giggled, "Grandpa says there is a beautiful Harvest Goddess in that pond...I wish I could meet her, then I could ask her to bring my mommy back home.." May said sadly. Claire was surprised that May hadn't cried.
*May is strong, I'm not.*
"Well, Grandpa's leaving, I have to go with him, big sis," May stated.
"Ok May, see ya,"
She started to walk away, but then turned back towards Claire and whispered in her ear, "Tell me if you see her,"
Claire winked at May, she knew who she was talking about.
"Hellllllo, Claire!!" a cheerful voice said.
Claire looked up to see a woman with green hair, surfacing in the lake.
"Umm..hi."
"I'm the Harvest Goddess, and I have seen that you are crying, why is that?" she asked nicely.
"Well, Popuri thinks I'm in love with Kai, but we're just friends...well, we meet at the bar every night with some friends, but that's it," Claire explained quickly.
"I don't think Popuri knows that," suggested the Harvest Goddess.
"Ok, I'll talk to her now," said Claire, feeling brave.
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"Knock, knock."
Popuri answered the door.
"Oh, hi Claire, I'm sor-"
"No, I'm sorry. I guess Kai told you about the bar, didn't he?"
Popuri nodded.
"Yeah, well we aren't in love, I'm really sorry..." Claire explained.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Popuri said, wrapping Claire into a friendship hug.
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Claire had decided early not to go to the bar that night, but she thought differently now.
She rushed to the inn, hoping that Karen and Ann would forgive her also.
"Hey, chica," Kai greeted her with a smile.
Claire grinned, but then ignored him to go find Ann and Karen.
She stood next to Karen and whispered, "I'm so sorry," into her ear.
"It's ok girl," she replied.
"Karen! You're not drunk! Wowwie! *giggles*"
Karen girnned, "Just for you,"
Kai went to the counter, "Hey Annie Boo," he joked
"Hit the tunes!"
He walked slowly up to Claire, "Will you take this dance?"
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Whew, long chapter, sorry it was kinda bad, I kinda had to keep the theme goin'
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Post by Kikyou Saya Rin-Ren on Nov 28, 2006 22:20:27 GMT -5
^It wasn't bad! It was good!
Wow... You're a fast writer. @_@ Better than some people who start a reeeeeally good fanfic and get bored of it so they decide to quit... <.<
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